There are some times when I am here and I just get this incredibly overwhelming sense of loneliness. It's weird to say that since there are SO MANY people that live here, but this loneliness is different.
I was writing in my journal that sometimes I just long for my friends, my family...long for something normal. I read on facebook yesterday that one of my besties was going to the farmer's market. And another wrote me an email about something exciting happening in her life. And those are the moments that I just wish I were with them. That I could experience life with them. I become lonely...longing for those people who know ME. They know me for me...not the City of Refuge me, but just ME.
And then, in our worship gathering this morning, I read this passage:
"All these people [Noah, Abraham, Abel, etc] were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had the opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for has prepared a city for them."
And I realized that so often I make this place, this loneliness, this mission...about me. And this isn't about me. This whole thing--my life--City of Refuge--my friendships and my family--it has to be about God. Because in the end, even if I haven't received all the promises of God that He has spoken over me, I can stand firmly in the truth that He has called me here and that even the work that we are doing here is not for ourselves or even for these children, but it is for HIM. And I'm working for a heavenly city.
So God, even in the places of loneliness, I lean on the fact that YOU know me...that YOU have called me...and that YOU are my home.