As Stanley prayed for us as we closed, I felt a bit alone in the room. He had said that our big dreams, those things that couldn't be accomplished without Him...well, they can't be marriage and children. They have to be bigger than that. They have to be dreams that we almost can't even dream because of its outlandishness (ok, I am making up words, but that's because they needed to be God-sized dreams and visions).
For awhile now, I haven't spoken about my singleness. I have been learning so much about being fully satisfied in God, finding Him in the places of loneliness I experience from time to time. And He has met me and filled me in ways I previously didn't understand. In fact, I have found myself settling into the fact that I may never get married, and somehow, my heart is ok with that. As much as I want for that to happen, to do it outside of a God's plan and purpose for me would be unthinkable. But, for some reason, it keeps coming up.
A few days ago, one of my friends had a dream about me getting married. She said I got married and ended up moving back to the States. She didn't want me to leave Ghana. I told her that "if" I ever got married, they would need to have a heart for Ghana because that is where I am called.
And moving into these apartments, I can't even count how many kids have said that if I get married, I have room for my baby.
And when Stanley asked us to dream our biggest dream, that is the dream that came to mind, even when he said it wasn't big enough.
But, then I read this this morning and it hit me...it really knocked the air out of me. In fact, I have read this scripture so many times before, but for some reason, today, it spoke.
"'Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her that has a husband,' says The Lord. 'Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband--The Lord Almighty is his name--the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."
It was as if God was enlarging my dream for me. Reminding me of what He has called me to. I may be single for my whole life, but I have every confidence that these words will speak of me in the future. My children, these children, the children I have served in EPA, Redwood City, Placentia, Mission Viejo, Brea, Paonia, Kenya...they will spread out among the nations...they are my legacy.
My God, as strange as it sounds, loves me in every way. He is my God. He is my Savior. He is my husband. He fills the empty places in me that I can trust no man to fill. He is who I find my identity in.
So, here I am, in my new apartment, my tent enlarged...and I wait. I hold tight to the promise of The Lord that He will give me more than I ever imagined.
God, may it be so.