Leaving

I leave the States today to return to Ghana. I am filled with mixed emotions...so filled by my time here with my friends and family...knowing my calling and the kids and the school in Ghana...

I feel like I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions since my travels to the States began. Always feeling welcomed into the arms of people that I love, always leaving people and places that I love, the comfort of the familiar, the ease, the love and the laughter.

A few weeks ago, I cleaned out my storage unit (almost all of it) and it was an emotional journey of traveling through memories and my life here in the States. It was overwhelming to get rid of so many things that, at one time or another, had such a place of importance in my life, to pare down my life to 4 boxes.

And then to travel to see my Portia-girl, living with her forever family in Tennessee. I see her thriving. And I celebrate! But, there were moments of pure emotion that washed over me as I watched her-reading me little books, playing with her sister, loving her parents-moments where I just missed her so fully and completely and missed my kids back in Ghana.

It's hard to reconcile these two worlds sometimes.

But, this morning as I write, I listen to these words and know them to be true:

I Breathe You In, God
Bryan and Katie Torwalt

Verse 1
The presence of the living God,
satisfies the depths of my heart
all of me changed when you came,
Iʼm made free by Your glory and grace

Chorus
I breathe You in God, cause You are thick all around me
I breathe You in God, cause You are thick all around me
You are Good God, For You are good to me
You are Good God, For You are good to me

Verse 2
The brightness of Your loves pure light,
Pierces through the darkest of nights
Everything is possible now,
For God is here and God is good

Bridge
When I donʼt understand Iʼll choose You
When I donʼt understand I will choose You God
When I donʼt understand I will choose to Love You God

I love that. He DOES satisfy the depths of my heart. He IS good. Even when I don't understand, He is good. So good. And I will choose Him...always.

When I was called to Ghana 4 years ago, God gave me this passage to light my way:

Isaiah 42

New International Version (NIV)

The Servant of the Lord

42 “Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
    my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
    and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out,
    or raise his voice in the streets.
3 A bruised reed he will not break,
    and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;
4     he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
    In his teaching the islands will put their hope.”

5 This is what God the Lord says—
the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out,
    who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it,
    who gives breath to its people,
    and life to those who walk on it:
6 “I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness;
    I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people
    and a light for the Gentiles,
7 to open eyes that are blind,
    to free captives from prison
    and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

8 “I am the Lord; that is my name!
    I will not yield my glory to another
    or my praise to idols.
9 See, the former things have taken place,
    and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
    I announce them to you.”

The same is true today. I have been called, so I will go, fully surrendered. And even when it's hard to leave behind the places where I feel most known, God says, "I will take hold of your hand."  In that, I am known MOST fully. And I will trust that. Because He is good.