But, it is one of those words that I believe God has called me to this year. To be in places with God that are completely vulnerable. Completely open. So that I might give up the ways I choose to hide behind...so I might live into the Truth...so that I might hear from The Lord more.
This morning, I opened up a book that a dear friend gave me this past year, Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton. And within two pages, I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I felt the longing stirring in my soul.
She talked about finding places of solitude and silence where you can withdraw and be completely present with God...finding "a place for the soul to come out"...a place where you don't have to answer for the tears, where you don't have to have anyone try and fix your response, but you can just BE with your Father.
I realized, when I was back in the States, how much I keep my emotions at bay. I keep them below the surface, hidden away...I am strong. And when I faced anything that hurt my heart (like the many goodbyes I had to say while I was there), it broiled up...coming out in a desire to withdraw, a bad mood, words spoken without thought. If I had been honest with my heart, I would have allowed myself those moments, because the truth is, I am not always strong. I don't always have the answers. It's not always easy. I don't have it all together.
So, I want more of that stripped away. Take away the pretense until all that is left is just...me...and You, God. Even if it hurts.
Help me to find those places where my soul can come out.