I expected my transition to be a little challenging coming back after being in the States for two whole months, but the transition was quite easy, besides getting onto a good sleeping schedule part. I had such painful transitions while I was in the States, I just expected it to be challenging to come back here. But, it feels almost as if I had never left.
My time in the States was fun and beautiful and filled with so much laughter and joy. But, it was painful and hard and sad and had a roller coaster of constant emotions flowing through me. I didn't learn how to rest. I moved from place to place, almost on a weekly basis. Change followed me everywhere I went and goodbyes felt more and more painful each place I left. I felt myself withdraw, pushed myself to be present, but the pain of the present sometimes led to days of quiet reflection and times where I felt as though I had to talk myself into engaging.
The longer I live in Ghana, the more that changes when I am home. Children seem to double their age during my year away. I miss the closeness of my friendships, the questions and the laughter. I miss big life changes...weddings, funerals, births, first steps, moves, new houses, new jobs...and when I come to visit, it seems to me as though so much has changed. It's hard to miss so much. And then to leave again knowing that I will miss these things once again.
But, also bearing the burden of missing this place that has become my home more and more each year. Missing my children and the work that we do here and the way that we see God move.
So, I am back. Aware of this tugging between two places in my heart.
And it reminds me of the warring that is going on in my spirit. That strange tension of living here on earth and longing for my heavenly home. This place of constant change and joy and pain and peace...longing for the place that IS full rest, and love, and joy.
Remembering that and wanting to see more of those moments of heaven here on earth this year.
Celebrating the rest and love and joy...