My name is Autumn Buzzell and I live and work in Ghana, West Africa with City of Refuge Ministries. Here, I run our school, Faith Roots International Academy, and get to be a part in rescuing and the healing of children who have been trafficked into the fishing trade, orphaned, abandoned, and those who just need a little extra loving. What an amazing gift this life is!

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Monday, June 10, 2013

Do You Know Who I Am? (I Am Weary)

I have been incredibly weary lately.  The busyness of life has me pulled thin.  I come home and sink into my bed, wishing for just a few moments of quiet, until just a few minutes later, someone comes knocking for medicine or homework help or shoes or a question...I feel a bit like a rubberband, stretched tighter and tighter. 

Last week, I was feeling worn thin.  I'd had an incredibly busy day at school and the second I sank into my bed after school, I wasn't sure I could get up all night.  I opened up my kindle to the book that I'm reading right now, "Do You Know Who I Am?" by Angela Thomas.  And wouldn't you know it...the chapter was entitled, Don't You Know I'm Worn Out?

It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Isn't that how God works?  Filling in the holes of my soul just when I need it the most.  And realizing that weariness...well, it's not an Autumn-thing.  It's not even a Ghana-thing.  It's a human-thing.

I loved what Angela says,
"Worn out happens.
About the only way I can imagine living without weariness would require my becoming completely self-centered and self-protected.  I'd have to block any interruption and stick to my schedule no matter who is offended or who is left out.  The whole ridiculous idea [of life without reoccurring weariness] seems directly opposed to everything Jesus was about.  One of the first instructions He gave to His followers was, 'Deny yourself.'  To deny yourself means you are going to get tired somewhere along the way."

What a relief!  But, an even greater relief is the knowledge that even in my weariness, God does not grow weary.  "Not only does God not sleep.  He does not need to sleep.  His character is self-sustaining.  He does not need anything from outside Himself to be a better or more powerful God."  And I am grateful for that.

Just like Angela, I have placed my hope in what I am able to do, in my striving, in my own willpower, in my abilities, in this place...but these things will never renew my strength.  My strength can only be renewed in the One who does not need to be renewed, the one who never needs rest.

And it's in the weary place, where seeking God's presence restores the weary heart.  And even the weary body.

"The instruction for us is to come.  Get to Jesus.  Go and find Him.  Be with Him.  And the promise is rest--a physical rest for our weariness and a soul rest from the heavy burdens that weigh on our minds.  Action is required.  Are you weary today?  Get to Jesus.  Run to Jesus.  God promises that His presence renews."

And it is a sweet reminder to acknowledge that even Jesus required rest.  "Jesus did not minister to every person He met.  He did not heal everyone who was sick.  He did not raise all the dead.  He did not go to every town.  He only did what His Father instructed Him to do.  Just the same, you must only do what God has called you to do.  Minister where He leads.  Give your heart as He directs." 

"Until we get home, to heaven, I take great comfort in believing my heavenly Father knows my worn-out state.  He is not frustrated by my weariness.  And He has graciously made provisions to minister to my soul.  I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint (Jeremiah 31:25)".

And these thoughts came with Sarah Young's Jesus Calling that same day:
"I want to be CENTRAL in your entire being.  When your focus is firmly on Me, My Peace displaces fears and worries.  They will encircle you, seeking entrance, so you must stay alert.  Let trust and thankfulness stand guard, turning back fear before it can gain a foothold.  There is no fear in My Love, which shines on you continually.  Sit quietly in My Love-Light, while I bless you with radiant Peace.  Turn your whole being to trusting and loving Me."


"Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me.  You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to handle.  When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges.  That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety.  Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!
The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with Me.  Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness.  Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to me."

So, today, despite the weariness and exhaustion that seems to flag my every step, I am reminded that my hope and my strength is not found in my own abilities, but in a Father that never tires and grants me the peace that passes all understanding.

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