My name is Autumn Buzzell and I live and work in Ghana, West Africa with City of Refuge Ministries. Here, I run our school, Faith Roots International Academy, and get to be a part in rescuing and the healing of children who have been trafficked into the fishing trade, orphaned, abandoned, and those who just need a little extra loving. What an amazing gift this life is!

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Monday, November 5, 2012

Made to Crave, Post #5

The past few days, I have been really struggling with my body image, and so this chapter was certainly timely in it's truth.

Entitled "Making Peace with the Realities of My Body", Lysa talks about the realities of her "tankles" and how God helped her to fully appreciate her body for how it was created while walking out her life in obedience toward good choices she made in how she fed her body.

There has to be a "shifting in motivation from the delight of seeing diminishing numbers on the scale to the delight of obedience to God."

And it's so true.

I fully realize that my issue with food...with my constant need to consume entertainment (as a way to turn off my mind)...it comes down to obedience. 

This weekend was a little weird for me.  I am trying to establish a Sabbath day for myself.  I don't do any work on Sabbath days.  I relax.  I watch TV.  I play my guitar.  I clean my room.  I cook.  I spend time praying for people on my prayer wall.  I communicate with family and friends back home.  I delve into the word.  I read.  All these things are restful to me, but I try to do it all by myself.  I know my "introverted" need to get some time alone every now and then.

Usually, I walk away from my Sundays feeling good, but this week was a bit rougher.  The night before, I had said goodbye to my good friend Sarah as she traveled back to the States.  And then, I got to talk on the phone to my dear friend Yona before she went in to deliver her baby boy, Corbin.  Both of those things, for some reason, "gave me permission" to be disobedient to what God has called me to.  And Sunday, my Sabbath day, I went a little crazy.  I ate massive amounts of dark chocolate.  I lazed when I could have been doing something a little more productive.  I struggled on the brink of depression.  And it was because of disobedience.  I know what God has called me to in this season, and yet, I chose to eat and eat and eat until I didn't feel so well because I was sad. 

So, instead of facing the scale, and the frustration that would surely follow...I need to walk in obedience to what God has called me to in this season and ask myself these questions:

"Did I overeat this week on any day?
Did I move more and exercise regularly?
Do I feel lighter than I did at this time last week?
Did I eat in secret or out of anger or frustration?
Did I feel that, at any time, I ran to food instead of to God?
Before I hopped on the scale, did I think I'd had a successful, God-pleasing week?"

If I answer these questions correctly, I will have been walking in obedience.  Because it's not about the number on the scale...it's about walking in obedience.

When I look at my week this last week, well, I can honestly say that when it came to walking in obedience...I failed...miserably.

And, I have walked humbly to the throneroom of the Father, wanting those selfish desires, that immediate rush to the chocolate instead of to the Father, to be thrown from me.  I want to talk in obedience!

I rested in the truth of Psalm 103:1-5 while I read through these passages:

"The body God has given me is good.  It's not perfect nor will it ever be....But my body is a gift, a good gift for which I am thankful.  Being faithful in taking care of this gift by walking according to God's plans gives me renewed strength to keep a healthy view of my body....God hasn't cursed your body with certain flaws.  God has revewaled the benefit [of how I've been created].  Oh what freedom!  What redemption!  What a sweet gift!... 
I've found my beautiful.  And I like my beautiful.  I don't have to hold my beautiful up to others with a critical eye of judgement.  Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, 'Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.'"

I want to walk the road of obedience.  I want to find the beautiful in me and carry it with me...not allowing anyone or anything take that away from me.  I want to trust that God can carry the burdens that I carry so far away from my world back in the States.

Lord, help me walk this out, trusting that what you created in me is good.  And help me to walk out in obedience the path you have set before me.

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