My name is Autumn Buzzell and I live and work in Ghana, West Africa with City of Refuge Ministries. Here, I run our school, Faith Roots International Academy, and get to be a part in rescuing and the healing of children who have been trafficked into the fishing trade, orphaned, abandoned, and those who just need a little extra loving. What an amazing gift this life is!

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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

It All Makes Sense

Today, I found out some extremely disappointing information that took my breath away really.  It was overwhelming to hear of the betrayal, the trust that had been broken, the lives that have been hurt because of someone's greed.

I have yet to even know what to do with the information.  How do I process through something this huge when I placed such valuable trust in this person's hands?  How do I trust again after time and time again, false motives prove to be behind so many people's desires to come and work for us here. 

It's overwhelmingly frustrating.

And yet, all the pieces of this puzzle from the past couple of months...and even throughout the past year, has begun to come together.  It is starting to  make sense. 

It makes sense why things were stolen (and even down to WHEN they were stolen).

It makes sense why certain lies were told.

The defensive attitude.  The quiet conversations.  It all makes sense.

But, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

And I keep facing the same problem...I'm going to have to give my trust out again and again and it will probably continue to be battered and broken at times. 

But, I will learn.  I will be more careful when I tell my secrets.  I will watch carefully and see who will earn my trust.  I will, unfortunately, have to be someone who cynically looks at people's intentions.

I don't like that.

I don't like that I am becoming jaded...harder in some ways.

I don't know how else to protect myself.  I'm not sure how else to protect the work that we do here, and ultimately, the lives that we interact with and change.

And so, I pray that God will convict.  I pray God will change this heart.  I pray for God to heal the ones who have been hurt in this.  And I pray that HE will make all things work together for HIS good!

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