Hello!

Hello!
My name is Autumn Buzzell and I live and work in Ghana, West Africa with City of Refuge Ministries. Here, I run our school, Faith Roots International Academy, and get to be a part in rescuing and the healing of children who have been trafficked into the fishing trade, orphaned, abandoned, and those who just need a little extra loving. What an amazing gift this life is!

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Thursday, October 25, 2012

The New Challenge

This past week has been so busy...but, then again, when is it not busy for me here.

Marilyn came back with me from Morocco and spent a week with us here, seeking out lives in action at City of Refuge, meeting the kids, working with me at the school, but mostly, doing a lot of brainstorming about how to make what we do here accountable and sustainable.  John mentioned during one of our conversations during the week that he felt like we are on the edge of the precipice and we are about to head into an enormous explosion of blessing and big things...but these growing pains have to be experienced before we can fully walk into that blessing.

And that is what I feel like our challenge is right now...to live out these growing pains.  To put into place the foundation so that we can walk forward and know that we are unshakeable.  To put in these infrastructures that will allow this place to move where our dreams and visions are taking us.

I think, for me, too, I am being challenged to dream about MY vision.

Marilyn asked me the question several times while she was here, "What is your dream for the next five years?".  I came up with a great answer...but I don't really know if that was my dream or if it is the dream of this "role".

And so, I've been trying to find the space to dream.

Planning for a future...

My own little place to stay...

Dreams of a family of my own...

Expansion of our school...

Writing my own curriculum that meets the standards but is of a higher quality...

Handing over the day-to-day so that I can actually get in classrooms again...

Co-teachers in each classroom...

Those are the dreams that I dream about when I think practically...

Then, there are also the dreams of:

...seeing Portia, Brylie, new Kolding baby, Isabella, Corbin, new Whelpley baby, Kayden, and all the rest of my beatnik and family children grow up...

...summer vacations with my best friends where everything I see here, everything I do here, is laid aside and I can laugh and cry and play and reminisce about the years before and the ones to come...

...traveling to see the work of other missionaries and organizations around the world...and just traveling for traveling's sake--to see the world...

...spending time cuddled under blankets reading books and sipping a hot mocha with my mama, chatting with dad and dancing in the kitchen, wrestling with my sister and singing crazy songs in my loudest opera voice, laughing until tears stream down my face with my family...

...my family and friends gathered HERE to witness all that I do and all that happens...

And I suppose some of these will continue to happen in the future, but it's different.  They are fewer and farther between.  The distance, over the years, seems to expand in many ways.

Not that I'm forgotten, but just not as present.

Weddings aren't as easy to come back for.  I miss being present at the birth of my best friend's children.  Life moves on...

Sometimes, I wish it would just stay still.

So, though this ministry is experiencing new challenges--good growing pains that will set us up for the future...
I find myself there too...

I want dreams for myself.

I want dreams for my future.

I want to dream and discover and plan...and I'm finding that all a bit of a challenge...

What is next for me?

I'm praying that God will give me a clear vision of what it is He is calling me into.

 

1 comment:

  1. Whoa, Autumn, you are going deep with these thoughts. Keep it up. The urgency of your daily life can rob you of the important time of planning and dreaming. But it is in the quiet moments of dreaming that God whispers. Be still and listen - regularly.
    My hearts connects with your conflicted feelings about here, there, single, family, sacrifice, fulfillment, loneliness, satisfaction. I don't know where God is leading, but I am praying for wisdom for you. I love you, and you are my hero. You have the courage and faith that I didn't have when I was your age, and I regret that I didn't answer God's call 20 years sooner. So, I will live out my call vicariously thru you, and support you as much as I possible can! Your biggest fan, Marilyn

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