My name is Autumn Buzzell and I live and work in Ghana, West Africa with City of Refuge Ministries. Here, I run our school, Faith Roots International Academy, and get to be a part in rescuing and the healing of children who have been trafficked into the fishing trade, orphaned, abandoned, and those who just need a little extra loving. What an amazing gift this life is!

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Tuesday, February 19, 2013


Almost every season of my life since 2004, I have chosen a "word".  These words represent ways that God is working in me.

My first word was Redeemed.  And, wow, I felt the power of that word.  God is a God who rescues.  Who redeems.  Who is purposeful in his redemption.  He is the kinsman redeemer coming to save us from our own poverty of spirit.

Some of my other words brought on equally challenging, but sweet, seasons in my relationship with Christ.  Joy-full.  Unveiled.  Expectation.  Trust.  Obedience. 

Some seasons have felt rather wordless.  Perhaps the busyness of life robbed that still, small voice that gives each word, that filled each season.

My time back in the States was beautiful.  It was filled with time with friends, and laughter, and the voice of the Father.  I hadn't intentionally listened for that voice in quite some time. 

I traveled through my journal that I had written in this past year, seeing the HUNGER for something more in my relationship with God...the cries of my heart over and over again...I want more.  Yet, I didn't take the time for more.  I didn't know how to seek "more".  I didn't know what more could look like here, where my busy life, the importance of this work, seemed to take priority.  And so, I was left unsatisfied.

But, again, the cry came up.  The longing.  The desire.  The need for more.

And the word that came out of it...intimacy.

That's a bit of a scary word.

It means vulnerability.  Openness.  The ability to sit in the stillness and just listen.  It means relationship.  Depth. 

Last year, I struggled with my singleness.  I longed to share my life with someone.  To have someone be a witness to the ins and outs of me.  I longed for relationship...for intimacy.  It was as if this great mystery of "the one" would solve all these longings and needs in my life.

But one of my dear friends told me that if the greatest mystery of our lives was to find our mate, well...we're bound to be disappointed.  Once we find the person we want to share life with, the mystery is gone.  And left behind are still the same desires and longings and needs.  And they can't be met by any one person.

The greatest mystery, she told me, is relationship with Christ.  The more we know of him, the more intimacy we find with him, the more the mystery is unfolded.

And so, I'm entering a season of wanting more...and then doing something about it.  Of sitting in the stillness and listening.  Of digging in deep.  Of separating myself from some relationships only to be filled up by THE relationship that's most important. 

It's a season.  And I know that this withdrawl from certain things and people won't last forever.  But, I feel like I am in preparation.  That this is necessary for wherever or whatever I am going to do next. 

It is not just needed, but completely necessary.


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