But, it can also be a challenge to let go…
I think back to the time when we had to say goodbye to baby Princess, knowing that she was going to loving parents who would give her the best care. It just isn’t easy when someone has grabbed your heart, to let them go, without pieces of your heart going with them.
I think that was what was going on with me this past week. A case of assessing my heart.
I look at my girl-Portia and know that her life is going to be this beautiful picture of God’s love for her…giving her a family…choosing her…adoption. Adoption is the story of redemption for us as believers in this crazy world.
And yet, I will miss that little ball of energy.
When I talked with Robin and Reid about it the other day, with tears in my eyes, Robin told me that the reason we feel so much for her leaving is because Portia has been loved so well.
And it’s true. You can’t escape from Portia’s little grasp. She forces her love on everyone, and it’s easy to reciprocate.
Her cuddles. Her kisses. Her hand holding. The hours that I have sat with her when teachers couldn’t handle her wild energy in class. The conversations that have made me laugh with her frank vocabulary. Her quick sayings that express such character like “Put your hand in my armpitty”.
Her love is simply…unescapable.
And I suppose when you experience a love like that, you can’t help but mourn the loss of it.
It isn’t as though I won’t ever see her again. In fact, I’m planning on visiting her in Tennessee this New Year. But distance is challenging.
And I do know all about distance and its effect on relationships.
So, while I mourn her leaving (though it is still awhile out), I am also taking advantage of all the hugs and kisses and hand holding and flying leaps into my arms.
Last night, she came to visit after dinner. When it was time for her to go back to her house, I picked her up and held her close. I tickled her tummy as I walked with her back to the house. We talked about school the next day and getting a good night’s rest. And then she asked for a hug and kisses. And so we hugged and kissed and then hugged and kissed again. And then Malvin, Edwin, and Joel wanted to join in the hugging and kissing, so they got their fair share too.
So sweet. And yet, walking home, I felt the loss again. A little bittersweet. The sweet hope of the future for my girl, Portia. The sadness of losing the everyday touch of one of my loved ones.