You are Mine

Stacy, Miriah, and I have been reading Ruth Haley Barton's Sacred Rhythms together.  We meet each Saturday and talk it through, listening to her teaching and putting into practice ways to connect with God in deeper and more intimate ways.

It has been like breathing again.

I have needed it.  This past season has been incredibly tough for me.  I disengaged so I could figure out how to cope.  But I feel like I am becoming more me again as I dig in deep to more of God.

A couple weeks ago, we sat in a practice session of Lectio Divina and Ruth read this passage over us, asking us to pull out a phrase or a word that we felt God was speaking:

Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
    Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
    I will bring your children from the east
    and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
    and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”

And just like that, I heard it.

You are Mine.

Mine.

Instantly, with my eyes closed as we listened to the passage read over and over again, I had a picture of Jesus placing both of his hands on either side of my face, gently cupping my cheeks.  He looked into my eyes with such tenderness, such love and compassion.

"Autumn," he said, "You are mine.  Have you forgotten?  You are mine.  Don't walk with an orphan spirit anymore.  I have you.  You are mine.  You belong.  You are not forgotten.  I see you.  I know you.  You are mine."

This gentle picture has not escaped me.  It cannot be erased from my mind.  I think on it everyday.

Sometimes, I want to run to my old ways of thinking.  The places that say, "Escape".  Movies and books and withdrawal and mind-numbing introvertedness.

But, when you are known and loved and treasured and held...those places no longer make any sense. They don't fill.  They don't sustain.

I want to walk in that place of knowing I am His.  I want to stand in that assurance in every moment.  I trust that truth, even in the midst of my doubts and fears.

You are mine.

Obedience

I would call this season of my life...obedience.

Transition has never been easy for me, and this transition has felt particularly challenging.  I have experienced deep loneliness, longing for something...someone...familiar, and have cried hard, frustrated tears.  I have spent endless hours wishing, hoping, and yes, even praying, for an opportunity to close my door here and return back to the States.

It sounds so harsh as I write it now...so ridiculously selfish.

There was nothing here, in my life here in Ghana, that was particularly challenging.  Our school was running smoothly, with capable staff at the helm.  My little apartment finally came together to look and feel like a home with furniture and decorations, a little haven in the chaos of life.  I met weekly for a women's Bible study, the same weekly meeting that we have been participating in for over 3 years (though many of the women have come and gone now!).  Nothing in particular had changed about my life here in Ghana, and yet, I longed...more than that...I craved life in the States.

That sense of being known.  The independence.  The comfort of access.  The understanding of culture.  Mostly, the people I love and miss.  That space of "home" that sometimes felt like it is just beyond my reach here.

Three of my friends got married in the month of October, two of whom I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in their weddings.  I was a part of their big days in so many ways...from Skype calls to popsicle stick faces...I was "there", but in the ways that it felt like it mattered, I wasn't "there".  I was a mixture of emotions.  Incredibly excited and distraught at the same time.  I asked God over and over again, "why"?  But, I felt as if it all fell on deaf ears.

This discontentedness settled in.   My heart was elsewhere, leaving me emotionally unable to be present here.

I spent one special afternoon, crying in my office with my friend NanaAma, sharing the pain of obedience to this calling on my life.

And it's true, isn't it?  Obedience is sometimes incredibly hard...even painful.

But, pain shapes us.  It's in this place where the real test of obedience comes.  Are we willing to walk in our calling even when it's hard?  Can we say yes when it doesn't feel fair?

I love the title of Eugene Peterson's classic, A Long Obedience In the Same Direction.

This life is a journey...it has its seasons that shape us--some bright and filled with sunshine--and others dark and dreary and cold.  But, it's that holding fast to, that persevering faith, that unwavering obedience that shapes this journey.

Almost six years ago now, I heard God tell me to come to Ghana.  It was clear as day, "Trust and Obey.  This is an issue of obedience."

Immediately, I gave my work notice I wouldn't be returning the next year and began the journey of fundraising and packing up my life and preparing to move to Ghana.  I remember feeling incredibly scared of the unknown.  But, it almost felt easy to say yes when I heard that call.

It is this long obedience that I am learning about now.

The continual yes.

The willingness to continue to walk in obedience, even when I don't know when I will return to the States, or see my family next, or even in the wondering if I will be able to complete the vision set before me.

The continual yes.

This long obedience is resurrecting old fears and insecurities and lies--and putting them to death again.  It is pulling out the places of pride and selfishness that I try to keep hidden and forcing them to be brought to the light.  It isn't comfortable and it isn't easy.

But, I'm realizing, more than ever, it is so good.

I don't have all the answers to my never-ending questions, and I am only beginning to see the end of this season of transition, but I am learning to trust more fully...more faithfully...and walk more vulnerably...more obediently...in this place.

And if I was given the chance again, the opportunity to come here all over again, to walk this road of long obedience, a continual yes...my answer would be the same.  Yes.  Yes, yes, and yes again.  Because even in the pain...in the hard...it is so good.  It is so worth it.

Haven

I remember coming to Ghana with two suitcases, believing that one year was a huge commitment. And it was. It was a huge leap of faith.

I was moving to another country where I had never been before to live with a family that I had only briefly met before to work with children I didn't know and couldn't possibly comprehend the trauma they had experienced.

Within that first year, I started teaching, moved into a home with almost 40 people (most of them being children), started taking care of a baby, and suddenly, my life was not my own anymore.

I belonged with these kids. This CORM family had my heart. And even with all the  hard that were my first years at CORM, I came back knowing that I had somehow found my home here.

I remember going back to the States for Christmas in 2013. When I was making my rounds, I remember grieving like crazy . I felt like, somehow, I was finally choosing Ghana. I emptied out most of my storage items, leaving only a few boxes of books behind. I packed up 7 boxes and moved my life to Ghana. 

Just last year, we opened up our Missionary Apartment complex. They were ready right on time and every apartment was filled the week the building was completed. With the help of my boys, I sanded and filled and painted and washed and swept and mopped. And I moved into my own apartment. 

Having my own apartment has been such a joy. A place to withdraw. A place to be creative and get filled. A place to host. A safe place to welcome others in. 

Just this last week, my little apartment finally became my little home. I was ableto purchase  some furniture from some dear friends who were leaving Ghana and suddenly my little space became a haven. 

If you know me, you will see my heart and soul in my place now. With the people I love eagerly displayed, books and games finally finding a resting place, and my kitchen...oh my kitchen.

So, if you happen to find yourself in Ghana, West Africa and want to stop by for a cup of tea and some good conversation, I have the perfect space to recommend.

Not Alone

This morning, in our worship service, Pastor Dean reminded me of a truth that I think I had forgotten these past few months. 

He talked about our strengths and weaknesses, how Christ is in us, giving us strength to overcome our weaknesses. 

He asked us if any of us had ever felt lonely.

This has been the very force I have reckoned with continually over the last two months.

Loneliness.

And when I looked around the room, I saw the hands of almost every person raised high. 

That sense of being alone...it follows everyone at one time or another.

And then Dean reminded us...Jesus has experienced all that we have, and loneliness, He really understood that. He took it with him to the cross. The ultimate sense of loneliness...completely forsaken but still following the call on his life.

I thought about some of he disciples, the apostle Paul...They experienced loneliness amidst the call on their lives. They experienced persecution and improsonment, shipwrecks and separation. 

I can't say I have experienced much of any of that, but I had this revelation in the middle of these thoughts. Jesus knew the most extreme loneliness on earth. He knew it and even in the middle of it, when he felt forsaken, he exhibited the love of the Father. Even in our darkest loneliness, we have that same love of the Father with us, in us, comforting us. 

We are not alone. Ever.

The enemy's tactic is to make us feel that we are the only one experiencing it, but the truth is that we are loved by an ever-present, all-loving, ever-encompassing God who isn't without understanding. He has been here too. And he knows loneliness. 

So perhaps in our loneliness, that is when he is closest.

I am pressing in to that today.

Transition and At Home

Wow...

It has been an intense month.  It has been filled with many bittersweet tears.  It has been filled with aching loneliness.  It has been filled with the busy preparation for a new school year.  It has been filled with prayers and songs and desires. 

Transition is always incredibly difficult for me.  This time, I felt it was especially difficult.  I missed my family, my friends.  I missed that sense of being known to the very core of who you are.  I missed processing with my loved ones and being loved on in tangible and ever-present ways. 

I know that in some ways, this past month saw oppression, preparing to enter into the community in new and lasting ways through the hiring of ELEVEN new teachers, and preparing for vision-casting to a new staff of teachers who have been hand picked to teach and inspire and encourage and build up our students this next academic year. 

But, as I was talking to a dear friend the other day, I also think that it was a season of grieving what could have been and knowing what is. 

I love my live here in Ghana.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am called to it.  But, that doesn't change the fact that is can be very difficult.

In any case, I am finally feeling like I have reached the end of my "transition tunnel" and am out the other side with great hope for all that this year may hold.

This afternoon, some of "my girls" were over here helping clean up around my house.  Mary asked me to put on some music and I gladly conceded.  Before I knew it, Hannah was twirling around in the middle of my living room to Jenn Johnson's "In Over My Head" and I sat in wonder at my girl spinning on her toes, lifting her arms in praise, pouring out her worship before the Lord. 

And in that sweet moment, with such clarity, I felt this sense of relief...I am home.

Finally, after returning to Ghana and being here for almost two months...I finally feel home again. 

Graduation

July 18, 2015--a day I will remember forever.  The sweetest moments.  The tender expressions.  The joy of seeing 8 of my students graduate...the first students to finish school at Faith Roots International Academy.  What an incredible gift to get to be a part of such a day of celebration.

I joined our graduates awhile before the ceremony, to prep them on what to expect and to help them with their graduation robes.

Hats were being fitted.

 

Laughter ensued.

 

Excitement buzzed in the air.

 

They were ready.

 

Our senior high graduates: Rosemary and Keliy

 

And our junior high graduates (one of whom needed particular help with his cap): Grace, Robert, Aaron, Stephen, Julius, and Gideon

 

John and Stacy came to join the preparation and posed for picture after picture with our grads.

 

But I got the real treat.  I had the joy and privilege of telling the story of Faith Roots and sharing the journey that these students have had with us here.  So, for the sake of history-in-the-making, nostalgia, and all that...today, I am sharing with you my graduation speech and along with that the incredible pride that I have in each of these students who have worked so hard to complete their education with us here.  Amazingly proud!

 

 

 

In 2009, I was teaching primary one in a school in the United States of America.  That year, I met Johnbull and Stacy Omorefe and heard their vision of creating a place for children to learn and grow in a safe, loving, Christ-centered environment.  That year, I heard God call me from my career in teaching, away from my family and friends and all that was familiar, to Ghana, West Africa.  Upon arriving in Ghana on July 28, 2010, almost 5 years ago, John and Stacy told me of their dream to start a school of their own.

 

And so, Faith Roots International Academy began.

 

City of Refuge Ministries moved from Community 5 in Tema to Doryumu in November 2011 to begin construction on the school and two houses, the start of the CORM Children’s Village.  Along with 3 other teachers, our 16 CORM children were taught in an uncompleted building in downtown Doryumu.

 

Among those first students were some of the very students graduating here today.  Rosemary, the most advanced student of the bunch, was taught independently starting a curriculum from the US for 8^th grade, the equivalent of JHS2.  Robert, Grace, and Aaron were in my first class, learning the basics of reading and mathematics, we lived together in one house and worked together every day at school.    I was able to see incredible growth in the midst of that challenging environment.

 

In 2011, we opened the school building to the communities of Doryumu and Shai Hills, welcoming in over 100 students.  Our building didn’t have windows.  It didn’t have doors.  There was no running water or electricity at the beginning.  Gideon, Stephen, and Julius were part of that first class of Primary 6 students.  At the time, we had 10 Primary 6 students and 10 Primary 5 students.  Sir Justice bravely taught both classes while trying to master an American curriculum. 

 

I look at these JHS students sitting before me today in awe of all that they have accomplished.  They were challenged with a switch in school curriculum partway through their academic career with us and they have thrived under the challenge.  Some of them pushed themselves to learn a new language.  They spent hours upon hours studying.  They learned to express themselves in both speech and in their writing.  They have been leaders on our campus and we are both grateful and excited for what is ahead of them as they prepare to attend senior high school next year—all six of them!

 

I met Keliy Grobbelaar when she was a student in Primary 2 at a private school in the States.  In 2014, I met with her briefly on my travel back to the States and started a conversation that led to her decision to complete her senior high school here in Ghana while she served with City of Refuge Ministries.  I have seen her grow as a leader, be challenged in a new environment with very difficult circumstances, demonstrate the love of Christ in pure and beautiful ways, and I have seen the hand of God placed on her life as she ministered to many through her music.  Keliy and Rosemary were a joy to teach this year as they completed their senior high school credits this term, working endless hours on extremely challenging projects, learning mathematics that I haven’t practiced for over 15 years, and still maintaining time to complete hours of service to the school and to various projects around the City of Refuge Ministries campus. 

 

All of these graduating students have also been spiritual leaders on our campus, many participating in our first-ever discipleship program, Catalyst, leading Bible studies, times of prayer and fasting, and worship.  It is our great hope that their faith in Jesus Christ will be a force of change here in Ghana and around the world.  We look forward to see these world-changers in action in the years to come.

 

Today, it is my joy to see these graduates mark this academic milestone through words they have written and have chosen to share with you today.

 

I want to introduce to you the first graduate to speak to us today.  Gideon Doryumu has been a student at Faith Roots since its induction in 2011.  Gideon came out 1^st in his class and we trust that his BECE scores will prove how hard he worked on his studies this year.  Gideon has plans to attend senior high school to study a visual arts course.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Gideon Doryumu.

 

 

 

Next, I would like to introduce you to the 2^nd in our JHS class and the only girl to graduate from our JHS this academic year.  Grace Yentumi has been with CORM since 2009.  She is a prolific writer and a beautiful singer.  She loves to laugh and emanates joy.  Grace has plans to attend senior high school to study a home economics course.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Grace Yentumi.

 

 

Our next speaker, Stephen Ganyo, ranked 3^rd in our JHS class.  Stephen joined Faith Roots when we opened to the community in 2011.  He has excelled in his classwork, showed his sense of humor in the many skits that he has been a part of, participated in cadets, and in 2013, became a part of the City of Refuge Ministries family.  Stephen plans to attend senior high school to study a business course.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Stephen Ganyo.

 

I am privileged to introduce the next student, Robert Anane.  Robert is a young man with great passion.  He loves the Lord with all of his heart and willingly shares that passion with every person he interacts with.  He works hard to be successful and is full of courage in the way he approaches his life.  Robert plans to attend senior high school to study a general arts course.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Robert Anane.

Julius Benyarko is a young man with a life full of great promise.  At Faith Roots since 2011, he has proven himself both creative and energetic.  He was frequently known for engaging the classroom in lively discussions to the entertainment of his fellow classmates.  In all seriousness, Julius is eager to learn and his creativity is continually exemplified in his artistic and musical giftings.  Julius plans to attend senior high school to study a general arts course.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Julius Benyarko.

 

 

It is a pleasure to introduce to you our last JHS graduate, Aaron Brabi.  Aaron shows a love for learning, enjoying the art of the written word.  He loves to read.  Aaron has a heart for evangelism and his musical giftings are witnessed frequently as he leads worship in different gatherings.  Sometimes hidden, Aaron’s sense of humor comes out in skits and in his dancing.  His dance skills are the highlight for any dance competition.  Aaron plans to attend senior high school to study a general arts course.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Aaron Brabi.

 

 

The first of our senior high graduates, Keliy Grobbelaar left her home in North Carolina in January of 2015 to attend Faith Roots International Academy, complete her senior high school requirements, and serve in ministry with City of Refuge Ministries.  Keliy’s gentle spirit was a great asset to the ministry as she served with our Thrive program, led in worship with our Refuge Worship teams, participated in our Catalyst program, participated in outreach, and served our children in the crèche.  Though Keliy is still uncertain with what the near future will hold, she plans to look for schooling in the States that would help equip her for a return to the mission field, and our hope would be an eventual return to ministry with CORM here in Ghana.  Keliy’s family could not be present today, so the following words are for her from them:

 

"Keliy, we are so proud that you are graduating and we are heartsore today that we can't share this moment with you. From everything I have heard about CORM I'm sure it will be another reason to PARTY !!! Who would have thought that you would start high school here in North Carolina with 3000 kids & end up graduating in Ghana surrounded by a whole new family …His ways are definitely higher than ours.    

Keliy, you have had a love for Jesus from early in your life and you have loved His voice.  You have always been sensitive towards Jesus leading and we know He will continue to lead you.

We pray for more of Jesus for you so that when you find Him as a buried treasure in a field, you won't mind selling everything to buy the field that many overlook -Matt 13:44

Well done precious one…we can't wait to see you.

Much love,

Dad & Mom"

Ladies and Gentlemen, Keliy Grobbelaar.

 

 

The last of our graduates to speak this evening is Rosemary Omorefe.  Rosemary is exceptionally brilliant.  She has worked independently for many years on curriculum that is both challenging and unfamiliar, using curriculum from America.  Rosemary has excelled in all areas, showing a great interest in Anatomy and Physiology and a growing desire to enter into the field of medicine in the future.  She has shown great growth in her writing abilities and enjoyed demonstrating her creativity through personal writings.  Rosemary will take a year off of school to begin to prepare for University.  She will be taking the opportunity to serve in ministry. I know that in the years to come, we will be able to look at Rosemary for the amazing work she will do in this world.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Rosemary Omorefe.

 

 We weren't short on tears that day.  Every speech, every story, every thank you was a reminder of how far we have all come.  It was emotional and beautiful and filling...filling to overflowing.

 

 

Smiles all around.

 

And dancing...of course there was dancing.

 

And afterwards...paparazzi!

 

Our amazing graduates.  Incredibly proud.

It's been awhile...

It's been a long time since I have sat down to blog. After a year a half, I traveled back to the States for a little rest and connection time with the many family and friends who I love and miss so much in my life here in Ghana.

It was such a wonderful trip home. I loved my time.

Now, being back in Ghana, I have jumped right back into life, preparing for our graduation celebration and the final week of school with exams and report cards and all that comes with the end of a school year and preparing for the one to come.

But in the midst of it all, there is so much I have been processing and thinking through and praying about and desiring to hear from God on. I am sure I will share some of those thoughts...that journey...with you here. 

But for now, I rest in the place that God has called me to. My home here in Ghana.

In many ways, returning felt as if I had never left. I feel like I always hit the ground running. 

But, sitting here tonight, with my worship music on and my cup of hot tea, I am missing my Keliy-girl. The familiar laugh. The depth of conversation. The times when she would pick up her guitar and lead on. 

Tonight, I am missing my friends. I am remiscing about New York City, and laser tag, and Indian curry under the stars. I am thinking about the voices of the many littles in my life who I get to love from afar, the little white hands that held mine. I often stared in wonder at those little fingers as I was so used to my little brown babies here. Tonight, my heart is a little sore for those friends who have known me well and loved me well and encourage me onward. 

Tonight, I am missing my family. The operatic voices sung out over a stilted piano accompaniment, the laughter and the tears, the conversations of such depth, the knowing that even in the moments of the most revealing frustration and sadness, I am loved.

Tonight, I guess I am just missing my homes in the States. 

The cost of being called here to Ghana sometimes feels so emotionally expensive.

I know that tomorrow, in the light of day, it will all feel normal again. But, for now, just in this moment, I am a little melancholy.

But, I suppose that's when you know that what you experienced is good and lovely and lasting...because you mourn its passing. I'm ok sitting in that place tonight.