Back to the Beginning

Tonight, for some reason, I was going through my travel bag and couldn't find my immunization form.  I got freaked out and decided I needed to find it immediately.  That makes sense since I have no travel plans for at least 6 more months...oh, goodness!

In any case, I pulled out all my drawers, all my storage boxes and got to digging.  There is still no immunization form anywhere (I have no idea where I put that bad boy), but I did find all kinds of other treasures.

I found all my journals starting back before I left for Ghana.  My early days here.  Living in Tema and the beginnings of our little homeschool.  The frustrations.  The challenges.  The stories of change.  Homesickness.  Missing out on these moments back home, but treasuring the ones I was making here. 

Memories.

It's been almost three years.  And in so many ways, this place is so different.  The vision has expanded past what I could have ever dreamed or imagined. 

But, as I read through my journal, I realized that God is still working in me some of the same things...

Inadequate feelings with my role here.  Yep, still challenged by that feeling quite often.

Overwhelmed by kids.  Overwhelmed by life.  Check.

A deep stirring towards my calling here.  Yeah, God has definitely called me to lead here.

A feeling of gratefulness at the privilege of serving in this way.  Definitely still so blessed to get this great honor...to serve the kingdom in this great way...to see our kids grow and instill in them a dream of changing their world.  That's a powerful privilege.

And I'm realizing that in every fear of inadequacy...in every situation where I am overwhelmed by life here...in the calling I have received...God continually goes before me.  He always give me the strength I need to do what needs to be done.  The worry and the anxiety...the feeling that I could never do enough...it plagues me...but when I reflect back to life at the beginning...I see how God's strength has carried me through.  There is no other way that this could possibly have been done.

It brought tears to my eyes to think back...to remember the things that happened my first year here...

All I can say is that God sustains...

I have seen lives transformed.

I have been witness to the healing of hearts.

I have seen students empowered with the confidence to read a word.

I have been overwhelmed by the great need.  The great darkness.  The great sadness that is slavery.

But, even more, I have been overwhelmed by the great hope.  The great love.  The great freedom that comes with Christ.

The tears still spring to my eyes and fall to my lap when I consider the milestones I have missed in the lives of my friend's little ones, the changes that have happened across the ocean without me there to witness them, the things I have not had the privilege of being a part of there.

But, it has been worth it.

To see these miracles. 

It has all been worth it.

Tonight started with the frustrating search of something lost...but what was found was even greater.  A reminder that I am loved to love...and that love changes things.

Amen.