I get it. The word does feel a little hopeless.
But, sometimes, there isn't another word to define all that you are feeling. Perhaps "exhausted" comes close. But, "weary" really does sum it all up.
I have been really tired this week. And perhaps it is just a reaction to the busy-ness of last week. But, I sense there is more to it.
I feel it in my body...as if I am swollen and carrying around 50 extra lbs.
I feel it in my head...a haze that limits how much I have been able to engage this week.
I feel it in my spirit...a longing for a deep filling, feeling as though my cup has been leaking out the bottom.
This morning, in our CORM staff meeting, we read Matthew 11:20-30. And The Message spoke so clearly to me as I read it to our staff:
"Abruptly Jesus broke into prayer: “Thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth. You’ve concealed your ways from sophisticates and know-it-alls, but spelled them out clearly to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that’s the way you like to work.”
Jesus resumed talking to the people, but now tenderly. “The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I’m not keeping it to myself; I’m ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:25-30 MSG)"
I am tired, yes, because I haven't had my full rest as of late, but my "weariness" comes out of lack of intimacy with the One who knows the Father. Real rest only comes in that "getting away" with Jesus. It's standing in those "unforced rhythms of grace".
As I dwell in this scripture, I find myself, even now, just melting...needing...desiring that time to dwell.
So, this weekend, that's my plan. To rest in His presence. To get away with Him and recover. To stand in the free and light company of Christ.
Much needed. Much desired.
Ready for real rest.