Here is my second post from "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkheurst.
I want to just jot down a few thoughts from this past week and the chapters that I've been reading, what I've been learning, how God has been moving...
"I need to make changes. I knew it. Because this wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was about this battle that raged in my heart. I thought about, craved, and arranged my life too much around food. So much so, I knew it was something God was challenging me to surrender to His control."
And for me, it is more than just this issue of food, but the issue of living a healthy life, with a healthy balance between work and play and time with my many "family members". It's an issue of control. It's an issue of surrender.
"I had to get honest enough to admit it; I relied on food more than I relied on god. I craved food more than I craved God....God never intended for us to want anything more than Him."
And so Lysa decided to use what her body was craving as a prompt to pray...
"I used my cravings for food as a prompting to pay. It was my way of tearing down the tower of impossibility before me and building something new. My tower of impossibility was food. Brick by brick, I imagined myself dismantling the food tower and using those same bricks to build a walkway of prayer, paving the way to victory."
I've learned that what appears to be impossible is surely possible. I mean, I look around me, and I see that that is true each and every day of my life. I see a school that I thought was absolutely impossible to get up and running and here I sit, two years later, with 185 students in and out of here everyday. I look at this land, which was bare when I first came, nothing but farmland, and I see 5 houses, a school compound, football field, basketball court, and more in the making. I live in the land where God makes the impossible possible. Yet, somehow, with my weight, I struggle with that "impossibility". I struggle with the thought that I could ever lose enough weight to be healthy. I struggle with the thought that I will never be able to conquer this thing. But, isn't it the same? The same God who made all of these things possible for us here at City of Refuge...he can walk me through this journey of faith that is the "tower of impossibility".
"We must be aware that desperation breeds degradation. In other words, when what is lacking in life goes from being an annoyance to an anxiety we run the risk of compromising in ways we never thought we would...Be aware and beon guard, sweet sister. Know that these are devised schemes to lure you away from your commitments."
Hmmm...so good. Desperation breeds degradation. I certainly understand that sentiment. I know what it feels like to be so anxious about school that an entire bag of m&m's (thank you to those m&m suppliers that send them through with volunteers) is gone in one day. Where has it all gone? My desperation for some kind of comfort is my downfall. And it's in moments like those when I need to remember that it isn't just an anxious response...it is a devised scheme of the enemy to lure me away from the life of fullness that God has called me to live. I choose to go "back to my brokenness and set back all that I've attained".
And that's why God calls us to live in community. That's why we've been called to live in accountablity. That's why we aren't alone in this journey of faith.
I am lucky to live with a few women of great faith that would encourage this journey (and join with me in it) here in Ghana (thanks to Stacy, Robin, Angie, Holly, and Kathy). And I am certainly blessed to have a wonderful supportive group of friends and the love of a family back home that encourages me across the miles.
It's the moment that I get an email from my friend Katty or from my mom that I know I am supported in this walk of health. It's the encouragement from a facebook message from my sister Andrea or friend Yona, or a text from my friend T or Jenni or Bristol or Katie. It's the love of Christ that holds us all accountable to one another.
And that will hopefully be what keeps me going on this journey ahead.