All the Clutter

I've figured out something about myself.

My external life often mirrors my internal life. 

Our school administrator left us in August due to a shoulder surgery that he is still working through.  Since then, I had moved out of my office to cover the front office and deal with all the things that came through our doors.

As volunteers continued to flood through during the summer months, my office flooded with donations, unsorted and overwhelming.

I had had my computer stolen and with that, I had a backlog of so many things to make up before school started again in September.

And on top of all that, planning a staff training for two weeks, hiring a whole new group of teachers, registering new students...let's just say that those first few months of school were immensely busy.

I was tired.

I was worn out.

I wondered if I could even continue.

My head was so full that I couldn't remember simple conversations and interactions I had had. 

I couldn't follow through with the promises I made to the teachers.

I felt impossibly overwhelmed.

And my office was this secret place tucked back in the corner that I dared not even put my head into for fear of it being "the straw that broke the camel's back".

Stacy came in to clean the office, not once, but two times, only to have it fill back up again.

Holly came in to do the same thing, only to see it covered in boxes and stuff the very next day.

And so I stayed out of there.

My office mirrored my head...and unfortunately, my heart.

For the longest time, I lived in "burn-out mode", not feeling a way to escape.  I just dealt with it.  What else could I do?  Who else could I turn to?  There was no one else who could be held responsible to run this place except for me.

And then, I got that time in Morrocco.  And then time with Marilyn and Sarah here.  And finally, Ella was hired to assist things in the office.

And if was as if I could breathe again. 

All those things fell into place so that I could do that job that I came here to do.  I have been able to pray for, to minister to, to partner with, to support--more than I have ever been able to do before during my time here.  I feel like I'm finally falling into a rhythm--a good one.  One that I can dance and sing to for a lot longer!

And it's showing up in other ways too...

This last week, I spent countless hours cleaning out my office, moving stuff to the resource room, logging stuff into the computer in the library.  And things are getting clean.

For the first time over 3 months, I am sitting at my OWN desk to type this blog.  I conducted one-on-one meetings in my OWN office...where I can see the floor...where my shelves actually make sense, and where boxes aren't overwhelming every space.

All the clutter is getting cleaned out...and it feels good.