Stacy, Rosemary, and I have really been working hard these past few weeks and we're hoping that it will continue after Andrea leaves.
It isn't the first time that I've attempted this weight loss thing...I mean, I have been big my entire life and losing weight has been an on again off again process for the majority of my life. It has been at times a frustrating process, and often one filled with more discouragement than encouragement.
There have been time though when the weight just seems to fall off and I can walk happily knowing that the work is paying off.
I think this time around has been difficult for me in a lot of different ways. I've come to realize that the battle of weight loss is so much a mental, emotional, and spiritual journey as much as it is a physical journey. I recognize the need to battle this thing out...to finally get to a healthy place...and it's crazy that I'm finally doing this in AFRICA at the age of THIRTY, but here's to a new decade of health and life to the full! Despite the age (my knees are definitely feeling it!) and the heat of Ghana, my biggest enemy in this whole thing has been the lies of the past.
It is the strangest thing...
For some reason, I am able to make it through every circuit and weight lifting workout without a hint of defeat, but when it comes to our running days...that is a different story.
It's like every lie that I have ever believed about myself suddenly comes to the surface and slows me down.
"You can't breathe, you better stop."
To which I reply, "Keep going, you can make it. BREATHE!"
"You never have been able to run, what makes you think you can do it now"
To which I reply, "I'm not that nine year old anymore, believing the words of a PE teacher who didn't know that two decades later, I could still hear her words in my head."
"You're too big to run."
To which I reply, "It's got to get easier, if I just keep going."
It's a constant battle of the mind and a constant state of prayer to make it through these workouts. But this time, I am going to make it through. I have to! It is time to defeat these lies that have haunted me for the better part of 20 years and walk this out into a life of health.
So that is what I'm praying in Jesus name...that as I go through this process, I will finally be released of every lie that I have held on to for so long and just live into the identity of who I was created to be.
Will you pray for me in the journey?
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Autumn,
ReplyDeleteI have been praying for you ever since I read this the other day! I just read your newest entry and I am grateful to you for being such a great teacher for me! I forget too much that I truly don't know what anything is for and that I am to be at peace in the grace of God. It is God who knows what everything is for. I am so masterful at making things more difficult than they need to be. So, again, thank you for bringing me back to "reality." My new mantra is, "Thank you God!" I will continue to pray for you and all of you doing such great work!
Keep smiling, Valerie in Grand Junction
Autumn! I'm so happy for you. I know how much of a struggle it has been, but I'm glad you are fighting lies. One thing that helped me is to measure myself once a year. That way I'm not tracking it too much, but I see the difference throughout the year. And that way, it's not all about weight too (as the muscle plays into the weight) but I can see a change in size as well. Anyways, I know you "know" all this stuff, and it's more about it being a spiritual and emotional journey, so I will pray with you! Pray for me too! I go through weeks where I'm super motivated and then I just stop. :( I'm in the stopping period right now (but I'm also sick with a cold).
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