Living the Free Life: 2024

This is the story of my pregnancy and birth of our daughter, Lily Joy Acheampong. With two other kids born in Ghana, West Africa, I had always wondered what it would be like to experience a birth in the U.S. My experiences here were different, not necessarily better or worse, but definitely different. What I have ultimately come to peace with was that it was a journey of growth for me and while it wasn't what I expected, our daughter is here, safe and sound and strong and healthy. That is ultimately the goal of every pregnancy and birth, so while my story may have felt a little different than what I expected, God was faithful to meet our every need during this season. Here is our story:

In November 2023, after living here in the U.S. for six months, Richard and I had a long conversation about whether or not our family was complete. We had talked about the possibility of having one more child. Being an older mom, I knew that there probably wasn't going to be a lot more time available for me if we did want more children. However, after spending time talking through our family and the pros and cons, we decided we were going to be done with babies and consider our family complete.

What is the saying?...that God laughs at the plans that we make. Little did we know that at the time that we had that conversation, I was already pregnant. We didn't find out for a few more weeks and it surprised us both. I pulled out an old pregnancy test that I had brought over from Ghana, but Richard didn't trust that one, so off to the store I went to get a few more. One more still wasn't enough proof and number three seemed to be proof enough that we had a baby on the way. All we could really do was laugh at the timing of this baby and realized that God's timing is never our own, but that He had been preparing us for this baby without us even knowing.

Just a few weeks before, Richard had started his job at the Durham Board of Elections, a job that was a complete answer to prayers and would help meet our financial needs. We had also spent a good amount of time as a one-car family and had been discussing the purchase of a second vehicle. We had hunted around a little bit to see what we could afford, but purchasing a family car with a brand new job wasn't going to be possible for a little while. I had been taking Richard to and from work and his co-workers had also been helpful in giving him rides at times. But, in a sudden turn of events, a friend of ours gifted us a Dodge Caravan--a vehicle that was bigger than our need, but God knew that it would exactly meet our needs as our family was going to be expanding! Isn't He a faithful God?!

Once we were convinced of our pregnancy, I contacted my doctor to set up our first appointment. Right away, it was a different experience in the time we waited for the first appointment. In Ghana, we called up our clinic when we first found out we were pregnant and we were told to come in on their next prenatal appointment day (both around 6 weeks pregnant). In Ghana, certain days of the week were scheduled for prenatal check-ups and you were not given an appointment time, but the earlier that you arrived, the earlier in the line (queue) you were given. Sometimes we would arrive and would have to wait up to a couple of hours before being seen, but on those lucky days, we would be seen right away. Our experience in Ghana was that we would come in and get checked in by the nurses who would take my vitals, wait for our turn in the line to meet with the midwife, she would examine my urine sample and measure the baby bump and listen to the heartbeat and sometimes request bloodwork to be done (as I always had low iron in each of my pregnancies).

My first appointment with Lily was scheduled for week 10 of my pregnancy. That felt so far away, and by the time the appointment rolled around, my stomach had started to revolt and "morning sickness" (it lasted all day long) was fully overtaking my days. The first appointment included an transvaginal ultrasound. It was definitely my first experience with an ultrasound like that and surprising what you could see...we saw our little bean on the screen and knew that in August 2024, our whole lives would be different! I struggled with morning sickness from week 7 to week 18 of my pregnancy and even throughout the pregnancy, struggle on and off with an easy gag reflex. Yuck! I was lucky to have some extra hands to help out with meals and taking care of kiddos. I'm so grateful we were staying with my sister who pitched in and Richard was helpful when he was home from work too. My kiddos and little Harper were super sweet too when the throwing up was at its worst. They were quick with their hugs and always reassured me, "Mama, that baby likes making you sick." My energy was down the tubes for the majority of this pregnancy, but it made sense with trying to balance growing a little baby, caring for my two other kiddos, battling morning sickness, and trying to work when I had the extra time. Phew! God really was so sufficient in providing just what I needed in each moment.

There were a few of the difference in care that I noticed right off the bat. Besides having my first appointment a bit later than I usually had them in Ghana, the OBGYN office scheduled me in with a clinic that had 14 different providers rotating through. Though some of my appointments were with the same practitioners, sometimes I would come in and meet a new person. While they had access to my medical chart, the personal care and rapport that are developed over time when seeing the same doctor or midwife, just wasn't there as much. I often had to retell my story (moving from Ghana to the U.S. and the story of the previous pregnancies and births). That part of my prenatal care was challenging for me.

In Ghana, my weight and my age were never brought up as an issue with pregnancy. Of course, I knew that both would put me down as a "geriatric pregnancy" and more "high-risk", but overall, these didn't seem to be too big of concerns in my previous pregnancies. Perhaps it is because they experience a lot of pregnancies with women of varying ages and sizes...who knows...but being here in the U.S. my age and my weight seemed to be big concerns for my pregnancy. It was something that continued to be brought up over and over again, especially in my early appointments. As someone who has always struggled with my weight, it was something that was challenging for me to engage with regularly, however, it did encourage me to be as active as possible. Throughout my pregnancy, I went to the gym a few times a week, attended classes, worked out, and when my balance became more of an issue, I took pool based aerobic classes. It felt good to move my body and I loved making new friends in my classes, mostly retirees who loved getting to talk to my baby belly. The pool was a great place for me and the kids all summer long as the kiddos love to swim and with the hot weather outside, it felt refreshing to be in the water a few days a week.

Another big difference was the amount of testing and bloodwork that had to be done. That first appointment included some blood work which identified anemia in pregnancy (the challenge I had with all of my pregnancies) and an ongoing issue with hypothyroidism that I hadn't yet dealt with. They wanted to help me get the hypothyroidism managed with medication so that I could have a healthier pregnancy, along with taking aspirin (in case of preeclampsia and being "geriatric"), extra folic acid (to help with baby development due to my age), my prenatal vitamin, and iron tablets. I hadn't ever had the gestational diabetes testing either with my other pregnancies (not a practice in Ghana as they just monitor the glucose in your urine), but ended up having to take an early glucose test, the regular glucose test, and the three hour glucose test. (I passed, but yuck!). There were a lot of other tests that were run during pregnancy that I never experienced during my pregnancies in Ghana.

Another challenge that I had during this pregnancy was early on in my pregnancy. One day I woke up and my back "went out". It was such extreme pain which made it difficult to bend over, pick up anything (or anyone), and move easily. It was recommended for me to visit a chiropractor who had licensing in Webster techniques (which is specific to pregnancy). Chiropractic care was new to me and at first, the whole process of the care was overwhelming as it required so many appointments (and while covered under insurance, it was a lot of co-pays). However, my back began to feel better after just a couple of appointments and I was able to move normally again. I continued my appointments throughout my pregnancy and feel like my back felt better than it had in years (I have scoliosis and didn't realize that it could alleviate some of that pain). I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to go to a chiropractor during this pregnancy. It was so helpful!

I think one of the main things that I learned during this pregnancy was how to advocate better for myself. There was a lot of information and choices to be made along the way and since I hadn't experienced pregnancy here in the States before, I often didn't understand or know why certain tests were being completed or why medications were being recommended. It required me to learn to ask a lot of questions and to make choices quickly regarding how I wanted my care to be handled. I often felt overwhelmed by the choices. There were always recommendations by the medical provider and then there were others who were helping me to discern and understand those choices as well (like friends who had doula experience, my chiropractor, and others with a more natural birth approach). Sometimes it was hard for me to decipher the best choice and I struggled with making choices quickly. A couple of my friends spent some time counseling me towards praying and then making a choice that brings the most peace. I spent too much time overthinking instead of really pressing in and trusting how I felt God leading.

In Ghana, there was a need for advocacy, but my experience was that it was needed more during the actual birth than the prenatal care and I was grateful that my sister and husband and mom understood my preferences in each of my births and helped me advocate to the extent that was allowed. In both Ava and Jace's birth, but primarily in Jace's, there were some choices that I wish had not been made by the mid-wife attending to me during the birth process, but Ava and Jace both came quickly and healthily, so the end result was still a happy one! However, it did leave some grief to process in that it wasn't the "birth story I imagined" or had hoped for. This was something I had hoped would change in coming to the States--to experience a natural birth without having a lot of medical intervention.

The end of my prenatal journey was filled with lots of appointments. I needed an iron transfusion about a month and half before my due date to make sure my hemoglobin levels were high enough to give birth. This was a six hour appointment at an infusion center, which was a totally new experience to me too. Though I had been low in iron in my other pregnancies, in Ghana, they had me take a liquid iron supplement that seemed to work well (though it was disgusting to drink daily).

At 34 weeks, my doctors requested me to do weekly non-stress tests. These were long appointments, but it was actually nice to get to hear baby girl's heartbeat and see her little face each week as I came in for these appointments. Throughout my pregnancy, I had normal blood pressures and the non-stress tests were the same. Overall, it felt like a very normal (for me) pregnancy with little to worry about. UNTIL week 37...when the ultrasound saw that baby girl had flipped from head down to breech. This was such a surprise as she had been head down since the non-stress tests had begun. The doctor recommended we schedule an external version, which is a procedure that takes place in the hospital where the doctor would attempt to turn the baby manually over your belly. From what I heard, it can be quite painful and the doctor explained that there was a chance that it could end in a c-section, which wasn't what I wanted at all. That week was really tough for me as each day brought the procedure closer and closer. I visited the chiropractor daily to help open up my pelvis. I also did a whole bunch of Spinning Babies moves to try to get her to flip, with no luck. I spent time in the pool hoping the weightlessness would help her to flip. I had spent time talking to friends who had experience with breech babies and with external versions. All of it left me overwhelmed and fearful--unsure of the decision to have the external version. But the night before my appointment, when I rolled over in bed, I felt her move and wondered if she had flipped. That morning, Richard and I chatted about whether to do the external or not and as we prayed about it, I just didn't feel at peace about doing it. It was my plan to go into my routine non-stress appointment that day and cancel my external version, but I went in for my appointment that afternoon to check her position before the hospital external version, she had flipped back down! It was such a miracle!

Due to my age, it had been recommended by the doctor's office to be induced at 39 weeks. We knew this right from our first appointment and even though we knew that it was only a recommendation, when 39 weeks came along, I was ready for baby girl to come into the world. I was curb walking, drinking raspberry leaf tea, and eating pineapple and spicy food and dates. I had had Braxton Hicks for weeks each night, but no actual contractions. I had my membranes stripped and still didn't have a lot of movement toward going into labor naturally. My mom and the kids and I went hiking, took lots of long walks all in hopes to get things moving. While some small contractions started kicking in, it wasn't enough to actually be considered actual labor.

So, on August 17, the date of my induction, Richard and I headed into the hospital at 8am to start my induction. Based on my history and my desire to attempt a natural labor and delivery, the midwife wanted to try a foley balloon first which had a goal of dilating me enough to break my water. I spent the first hour just spending time in the Word, journaling, praying, listening to worship music, and doing my Bible study. Richard got a little sleep while I did this and when I started to get a little tired of standing, I sat down for a little bit but discovered that the contractions were much stronger when I was standing and moving. Richard and I spent a lot of time walking around the room, doing squats, side stepping up a stair they had in the room, bouncing on the birthing ball, and overall, just continuing to move. The midwife had high hopes that I could deliver naturally and recommended that I eat a meal to continue to gain enough energy. I was excited at her positive expectations she had for the labor and had high hopes that I would be able to deliver as I had planned! I enjoyed a meal and afterwards, the midwife was able to remove the foley bulb. She then made plans to break my water to get the contractions moving even more.

At that point, Andrea came to join us in the delivery room. (My mom, who had come from Colorado earlier in the week) was graciously caring for Ava and Jace back at home. The midwife came back in around 2:30pm (this was about 5 hours into laboring) to break my waters and explained the procedure. All three of my labors involved breaking my waters, never a pleasant experience. This time, there was no gush of water but a gradual flow that continued for hours as I continued to labor. The midwife did say she felt baby girl's hair, which was funny to me as her hair was a frequent comment I heard about from those that did the ultrasounds during my non-stress tests. My sister and I played a round of Phase 10 while we measured the contractions, a couple minutes apart and about a minute long for each one. While they were increasing in number, they still weren't increasing in intensity and around 5:30pm, they put me on a low dose of pitocin to see if they could increase the intensity and help me dilate.

By 8:30pm, I was still spending much of my time standing, walking, moving on the birth ball, all in hopes that I would be getting closer to baby girl's arrival. The midwife checked me again around 9:30pm and I had moved from 3cm to 4cm. This was discouraging news for me as I had hoped to have progressed a little bit further along. The nurses on duty were so great and encouraged me that it was going to be slow moving and all was moving in the right direction. She told us that it would be slow until suddenly it would be fast!

Around midnight, the nurses kept coming in to adjust the baby monitors. It seemed that they were having a hard time monitoring the babies' heartbeat and were saying that she was having some decreases during my contractions. They were monitoring it and just kept coming in and out to make sure the monitors were picking up the heartbeat as much as possible. I had tried using the peanut ball on the bed so I could rest a bit as I had started getting the labor shakes and sometimes it felt really challenging to stay standing with how much my legs were shaking. The contractions were definitely amping up and I was trying my best to pray through them and breathe through each one, reminding my body to not tense up, but to just release the tension.

Around 1am, the midwife came in to let me know that the heart rate of the baby was continuing to be a concern and she wanted to place monitors internally on the baby's head to help ensure that the heart rate was being monitored correctly. The midwife also wanted to add some more fluid into the placenta as she had some concerns that the baby may be having heart issues due to the cord being wrapped around somewhere. Hopefully, with adding more fluid in there, there would be enough space for the cord to come unwrapped and for labor to progress. At this point, I still hadn't been able to progress past the 4cm as it seemed baby girl couldn't press hard enough on the cervix to open it up because of the limitations of the cord.

At this point, I requested an epidural and it was also recommended by the midwife as she said that we still had a ways to go for baby girl to finally arrive. My main concern was preserving my energy to be able to push when it was time. With the labor shakes as they were and the long and painful labor (at this point going on 15 hours), I was exhausted. I couldn't sleep as the contractions were coming every minute or so and I felt bad sitting or laying down as baby girl's heart rate didn't like those positions and I felt like the contractions slowed when I was in those positions.

The epidural went in shortly before 2:30am and the relief was so quick. I stopped feeling the contractions almost immediately and losing feeling in my legs was gradual, but pretty quick as well. I had to have Richard and the nurses help get me back up on the bed once the epidural was in. However, because baby girl didn't respond well to me laying down, now with my movement being much more limited, her heart rate really wasn't responding well.

Around 3:30am, the midwife came back in along with the nurses and the OBGYN on duty. They were all monitoring baby girl's heart rate and went back over her history of decelerations. They turned off the pitocin to see if she would respond if the contractions were lessened in their strength. Despite the pitocin being turned off, my contractions continued and baby girl's heart rate continued to decelerate. After examining all her history, the OBGYN recommended that we do a c-section. I still wasn't moving past a 4cm and even with all the extra fluid they had been pumping in, the cord hadn't loosened. They were concerned that if we continued to labor, at a point in the not too distant future, it would end in an emergency c-section.

To be completely honest, I dissolved in tears. It had been my hope to deliver here in the States and to be able to experience a regular birth that felt redemptive. My delivery with Jace had felt hard as the amount of pitocin they issued didn't really give me a moment to relax as you pushed the baby out--it was more like the baby flew out because your body was just in one solid contraction. I felt like my body had failed me in not being able to dilate. Richard prayed for wisdom for us as we talked through the decision ahead of us. We knew that ultimately, the goal was to bring our baby into this world safely. If continuing to labor was causing stress on her heart, the obvious decision was to move forward with a c-section.

I was a little scared about this decision as it was so unfamiliar, but I sensed that Richard was also a little fearful. As the brought the paperwork in for me to sign, the shakes were so bad, it was hard for me to even hold the pen and write my name. I continued to cry, but was just affirmed in this decision by the nurses and the doctor, Andrea, and Richard. The doctor sat down next to me and held my hand and explained everything that was going to happen and asked if I had any questions.

Before we headed into the OR, Richard looked straight at the doctor and let her know that we were believers and trust God with everything. He asked her to take good care of me and of the baby and she was so kind, just reassured him that she would take good care of us.

From that time on, things moved really fast. The anesthesiologist came in and explained how far the numbness would go as they prepared for the surgery. Richard got changed into a surgical outfit, they covered my hair with a net and just like that, we were out the door and around 4:00am, we headed to the OR. As they brought us into the room, there was a lot of hustle and bustle and it felt a little overwhelming as I shimmied over to the operation table. They set up the screen to cover what was happening down below and tested the anesthesia's location on my body. It was working just right, but with the screen put up, I started to feel really claustrophobic and started to feel a bit panicky.

Back when Ava was born, I had asked friends and family to send me Bible verses that I could use when I was struggling in labor to be reminded of truth. You can see them there beside me next to the pillow in the picture above. When I started feeling scared, Richard sat right next to my ear and and read the verses and spoke encouragement to me, reminding me of truth whenever I was feeling fear creep up. With my arms out next to me, they were consistently falling asleep (pregnancy always gave me such bad carpal tunnel) and that would sometimes make me a little scared that the anesthesia was creeping up. It wasn't, but I kept getting scared that it was. Those verses kept me grounded as Richard kept speaking truth to me.

Before we knew it, they told Richard to get the camera ready as baby girl was about ready to be welcomed to the world! They dropped the curtain as our sweet baby girl came into the world. I began to cry again as I looked at her beautiful little face. I couldn't believe she was here!

They took her over to examine her and Richard was able to go and watch her be weighed and measured. She was perfect! She even had her daddy's dimples!

She arrived at 4:36am and weighed 7lbs. 6.5oz. and 21 inches long. Before too long, they were able to bring her over to me for a little bit of skin to skin time on my arm. I still had the shakes from labor, the anesthesia, and being awake for 24 hours (I had gotten up early the day before anxious about what was to come).

I was struggling to stay awake and my shakes were making me worried I wouldn't be able to hold on to baby girl very well, so eventually Richard took her to hold so I could sleep for a few minutes. I was so tired at that point. Before too long, they had me stitched up and ready to leave the room and we were ushered out and into the recovery room where Andrea was already comfy and got to cuddle up with baby girl while we waited for the anesthesia to wear off.

I got to nurse a little bit with my sweet baby girl while we had the opportunity to rest and get a few winks. We had all been up so much of the eventful night that everyone was feeling pretty exhausted. It was quiet in the recovery room and we got to stay for quite awhile before they wheeled us into our room that we would call home for the next few days.

We got to have a little bit of rest that morning and then grandma arrived with Ava and Jace to get to meet their new baby sister.

Recovering from a c-section was so much different than from a regular delivery. I was up and walking around shortly after my delivery of both Ava and Jace. It was a lot harder to move after my c-section. Getting up and out of the hospital bed was mostly assisted by being able to push the button that brought the head up. As an avid side-sleeper, it was so hard to not have that as an option. Plus, multiple nights in the hospital led to very sleepless nights as nurses and doctors came in and out throughout the night to check on me or the baby. I was so grateful for the help of the nurses and doctors that I met during my time in the hospital. Though it wasn't what I had expected, it was what needed to happen for our little girl to be brought into the world and Richard and I both recognized that if this same birth had happened in Ghana, it had potential to have been a lot scarier. We were grateful that we were in the States with the complications that we faced. The doctor also alerted me that during the labor, I had had multiple high blood pressures. There was some concern that I might experience post-delivery preeclampsia. Due to that, he requested that I monitor my blood pressures for the next six weeks at home. That was overwhelming news for this sleepless mama, but I was grateful to know that I was being watched with such a close eye.

Ava and Jace were really missing mom and dad by the time we were finally able to go home. By August 20, we got to check out and head home. The first few days were honestly pretty tough. It was way harder to move around at home without the mechanical bed! I often would get in positions that required Richard to pull me up as I just couldn't use my abs at all. As the baby was born through c-section, she had swallowed some amniotic fluid and it would get stuck as she was trying to cough it up making it look like she was choking, which was so scary, but even scarier when I couldn't move quickly to get to her in the nights when this would happen. Richard was such a trooper and dealt with all my exhausted emotions and baby girl as she was adjusting to new life. Having my mom around was such an answer to prayer--she helped get Ava and Jace ready each day, made sure there were meals on the table, that the kids got outside for fresh air, encouraged me when I was tired, held baby girl whenever there was free time, and was just an endless support!

And here we are, three weeks after baby girl has been brought into this world and she is just such a delight of a baby. Very easy (though she hates the car seat) and has been gaining weight, eating well, puts up with the smothering of older siblings and overall, just brings such joy to our family.

Today, September 7, we celebrated her arrival with her naming ceremony. Johnbull and Stacy led the ceremony from Ghana and we were so blessed to have them speak over her so many blessings as we formally named her and shared her name with the world.

Her name is Lily Joy Acheampong. Lily means beauty, purity and promised child. Joy is of course self-explanatory. Her verse that we chose is Matthew 6:28-29 NLT.

We have felt God gave us this name for her because He knew she was coming in a season that could bring worry or fear and that she would be a reminder of His promises and provision for us and His deep care for her. We are grateful for how God has continued to show us this during these past few weeks. She has shown us the beauty of a Father who gives good gifts to His children and trust this will be such an amazing reminder during the course of her life and we are so grateful for her bring a sense of completion to our family.