Seven

I am reading this book called "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker. If you have never heard of her, you should check out her blog at www.jenhatmaker.com. I love her honest and witty view of life.

I posted a picture of starting this book on my Instagram a few weeks back and a couple people commented about wanting to know my thoughts on the book while living here in Ghana.

Well, let me start with this...

The book is labeled "an experimental mutiny against excess". The book has certainly widened my eyes to the level of excess that has been reached in the States...and in me.

As I have been praying through some of the things that I have read in this book, there have been times when I have felt saddened by the "needs" we seem to believe we must have. I see real need everyday here in Ghana. I have seen children malnourished. I have seen when a child's best dress is ripped and torn, but she still feels beautiful when she twirls in it. I have seen one-roomed mud houses that house six. And I have seen that in the midst of such physical poverty, there is, at times, such rich faith.

Yet, in America, we have so much, never satisfied with "enough", and yet we are somehow satisfied with a shallow faith, moved by any breeze that comes along.

I don't want to come across judging the differences between these two countries as bad and good. There are surely good things and bad things in both countries and cultures. 

So I will make this about me.  When I asked God what He wanted me to give up as a response to Jen's call to mutiny against the excess in our lives...

He said, "All".

Excuses ran through my head, doing battle against the call to sacrifice. But, I am continually drawn back to this very place.

Some might think that it was especially brave to pick up my life and move to Ghana. But, the call to sacrifice my life for Christ is an everyday process. It is painful and hard and the selfishness inside of me pleads for my own space, my own stuff, my own life...

As I read Matthew 8:18-22, I know that the cost of following Christ is a hard one. It's not meant to be easy. But, that doesn't mean that the sacrifice isn't worth it.

Giving all of me, not holding part back...that is not easy and it's daily and it is something that I would need to do here in Ghana just like I would need to do if I were living in the States. 

It seems like a constant reminder...I must keep being reminded because I am so quick to forget...that this life isn't about me.  It is about His Kingdom and it is for His glory. Period.

So it comes down to this here:

"I don't want to consume the redemption Jesus made possible then spurn the methods by which he achieved it. Jesus' kingdom continues in the same manner it was launched; through humility, subversion, love, sacrifice; through calling empty religion to reform and living like we believe the meek will indeed inherit the earth. We cannot carry the gospel to the poor and lowly while emulating the practices of the rich and powerful. We've been invited into a story that begins with humility and ends with glory; never the other way around. Lets align ourselves correctly, sharing in the humble ministry of Jesus, knowing one day we will feast at His table in splendor."

-Jen Hatmaker, "Seven", p. 68

So, what I have...all that I have...I need to be prepared to walk away from for the sake of Christ, not just possessions, but time and space and food and love. For the sake of those he has called me to in this time and in this place, I need to live in a place of surrender.

How does that tangibly work out? I am not sure yet, but I am willing to figure it out.

What is He calling you to give up?

Recluse

My dear friend, Robin, has talked to me so many times about how hard it is to say goodbye to the many visitors, volunteers, and friends that wander through Ghana each year. She fully feels each goodbye, mourning their going with tears and deep emotion. A beautiful expression of God's work in those relationships.

My very pat answer about goodbyes had something to do with it getting easier with time.

But, I realized this week...it doesn't get easier with time. It can be very hard. And I am not very good at saying goodbye. And I wish I knew how to deal with saying goodbye a little easier.

Today, I reflected on my goodbyes this year.

Leaving the States and family and friends.

Kathy. And Emily.

And how I said goodbye to my family when they came to visit. 

And Victor and Kristin this week.

And the common theme with them all was withdrawal. 

The past week, I pulled away from conversation and time alone with my friends because it was time to put up the walls again and let them go well.

The same thing with each of these goodbyes. I feel somehow safer if I withdraw. I am able to protect my heart. Deny anymore vulnerable interactions, because they are leaving and I am staying.

I am frustrated by my relational withdrawal. But, I haven't figured out how to change that.

I realized today that as much as I love people and intimate relationships...the change of those relationships is something I just don't deal with well. I don't like showing emotion in public. I don't like that rawness on display. That brings fear...I don't know why...but it's there.

But, I also don't like seeing this in me. Seeing the withdrawal and the walls and the closed door to deeper relationship.

And I am praying that God would break down the walls...even if it brings fear.

And I am praying that I would able to experience the emotions of goodbye so I could be fully present during the time when people are visiting.

And that I can be more like Robin, experiencing all parts of life with a full and open heart, even if that means that I might experience more pain. It is only with pain that you also can experience the full extent of joy.

Time to Change

Since I was a little girl, I struggled with my weight. From 8 years old on up, it has been something I have battled and struggled with physically...emotionally...spiritually even.

My weight has always been this identifier for me. I have struggled with my understanding my worth and  value because of the way I looked.

And then in 2004, God began to work something in me that changed my perception of me and of Him and of my worth.

That year, I lost 50 pounds. I don't know how. I would say God did it.

But, the battle didn't end at my spiritual transformation.

I have gone through years of changing my diet, seasons of heavy exercise, losing weight, gaining weight...

Feels like a never-ending journey for me.

Yesterday, a friend of mine posted that she had officially lost 100 lbs. it took eight years and was a fight all the way through, but she looks amazing.

She posted something that challenged me so deeply. She said, "Eight years ago, I decided I wanted to live in the body that was created for me and not the one I created for myself."

I have mulled that over and over since I read that. And it is right on point.

The way I have lived has idolized laziness and gluttony and greed and it is fully apparent in my body. And it is not what I was created for. And it makes me sad.

Today, I was reading Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven" that we always find the time for things we want to do, but make excuses for not having enough time for the things we need to do.

I have made so many excuses for not taking care of myself. And I will probably even look at this blogpost tomorrow and hate that I put this out there for all the world to see, but this is about my life and journey and adventures is Ghana...and this is part of my journey here.

I have six weeks until I head back home. And six weeks is enough time to figure some of these things out.

To honor the body that was created for me.

To make time for the things I need to do.

Will you pray that I would honor God in this next six weeks with my health?

Inflation and Its Effects on the Poorest of the Poor

This year in Ghana, our inflation rate has soared.  In July, inflation rates ranged throughout the country at its lowest around 11% and in some areas closer to 20%.  In comparison, inflation rates in the States have held steady this year around 1.3%.

The price of fuel (gasoline/petrol) has raised 5 times this year (almost $7 per gallon). 

The price of propane has raised 100% this year (from 20GHC to 45GHC).  Since we cook with propane (and prepare almost 300 meals every school day), this has made cooking a much more expensive part of our budget.

These prices increase the price of everything else, especially food.  A bag of rice was about 100GHC ($50) just a few months ago, and now it is over 125GHC ($60+).  When we go through 6 bags of rice every other week or so (including the school feedings), this is an incredible amount of money flowing through our hands.

A couple of weeks ago, the government announced that they had approved an electricity and water price increase.  The water and electricity companies had asked for a 166% increase on tariffs, but that was denied.  Instead, they came to an agreement of a 70% raise in electricity and water tariffs.  70%.  Let me just give you an example of how that effects us here with 7 buildings (and more in progress) in which we have to provide daily electricity to.  On Sunday, we bought 200 GHC (that's $100USD) work of electricity credit for our volunteer house, Omorefe house, and guest house.  We use fans throughout the day, but no air conditioning, lights only in the evening, and we conserve as much as possible.  Our electricity went out today.  6 days.  $100USD worth of electricity (which used to last 2+ weeks) lasted only 6 days.  This has made us question whether the government approved 70% increase is actually closer to the proposed 166% increase. 

For us, it has, and will continue, to create some challenges.  BUT, we will make it work, because God has called us here and we know that He will provide for these children.

But, I think about our staff and the people of our village.  How does this effect them?

A common salary here in Ghana is anywhere from 70GHC a month to 200 GHC (This is $35USD-$100 per month).  This is for a person with a high-school level education.  University graduates can earn from 600GHC-1,200GHC ($300USD-$600USD) per month at entry level positions. 

In Doryumu, the families and children have regular access to electricity.  It is a little bit more developed than some of its neighboring communities.  Now, with these new tariffs and with the increases in gas and propane, I wonder if hard-working parents are going to have to choose between food for their family and electricity for their homes. 

In Shai Hills, the other community that we serve, there is very little access to electricity.  People have been fighting to bring light into their community, but knowing the work available to people and the education level of most in that community, even if electricity and running water were made available to homes, they probably wouldn't be able to afford it.

The richest of the rich are making decisions that are impacting the poorest of the poor in this country.  They desire development and have even made mention of working towards a "first-world country" by 2020, yet take the legs out from underneath the majority of the population.  They bring in roads and access to education and then make it impossible to afford.

It is frustrating and brings up a righteous anger inside of me.

I see families every day who struggle to make ends meet. They work from sunup to sundown and at the end of the day cannot afford the things that so many of us take advantage of.  And it is not for lack of trying, but because of government inflation.

I don't know what the answer is to a problem like this.

We can provide help to families when it comes to sponsoring the education of students who attend our school and have a need.  But, that doesn't solve the problem.

All I know is that before too long, Ghana's own people won't be able to live in their own country.  That is...wrong.

A Mothers Heart

Today, we met with a parent about the possibility of changing her daughter from full time inclusion to part time and doing more resource support for the next 6 weeks to determine if she would be able to learn to read.

She is 18 years old. She can't read. And this year, we had to retain her in sixth grade knowing that if we moved her forward, she would only continue to get farther and farther behind. Sixth grade. Zero literacy. She was heartbroken and cried for an entire week. And I look at her and I want to cry too. She has lost her drive to learn.

When Stanley and I met with the mom, she faced the reality of her daughters future realistically, but the blame was placed solely on the shoulders of her daughter. For twenty minutes, she went on and on about how difficult her daughter is...how she disrespects her in the house...how she has given up on her learning...

And so I asked the question, "What do you see in your daughter that is good?"

Another twenty minutes passed with another diatribe on the negative traits of her daughter. Not one positive word. Not one single example. Nothing.

And so, I spoke what I saw. Her gentle spirit. Her quiet leadership. Her passion for fashion. Her love for her siblings.

And then I asked again, "What do YOU see in your daughter that is good?"

And she still couldn't.

So, Stanley asked me to give a vision for what I thought her daughter could do in the future. So, I did my best to set a future before her mom...to set forth a world of possibilities for what she could be capable of doing...

And when I looked up, I saw tears streaming down the mom's face.

She talked about how she never had the opportunity for school. She had struggled and suffered and sacrificed so many things in her life. And I saw in those tears the hurt that she for felt for not having those opportunities herself. And I understood that the negative things she saw in her daughter...they were really the things she saw in herself.

And then she said that she was ready to do what it took to give her daughter a chance. Speaking into her future. Encouraging the possibilities. Provide the opportunity.

I am praying that she doesn't give up. Her daughter needs hope. And I can try to give it to her. And Stanley and her teachers can speak into her life. But, she needs to see the hope of Christ...the hope for her life...through her mom. She needs to be believed in. 

So, we prayed for her mom before she left and all we can do is trust that that sweet moment perhaps will bring some change for this mom and her daughter...and that God will heal and mend and repair relationship...and that hope will restored.

Community

I have always been big on intentional community. I love relational people who understand the impact that this concept can have wherever God calls you.

My church back home, Peninsula Covenant Church, is a powerful advocate for open, honest, generous and Spirit-filled community. 

And I have been blessed and encouraged by that this week.

My friends Victor and Kristin are visiting me here in Ghana and besides just the time I get soaking in my love language (quality time) with them, I was also extremely blessed by the flood of community-living reminders...

-food for our Thanksgiving dinner

-cards from so many friends and loved ones

-gifts for me, the Aglers, teachers

-chocolate (so much chocolate...it's gotta be a love language o something)

-letters and gifts from sponsors and volunteers

-coffee

Feel so blessed and encouraged by the way God continues to show me His love through His people.

Reflections on Ministry

Last night, we had an outreach in Doryumu and it brought up some big reflections for me regarding ministry and Jesus and life here in Ghana. 

We showed the Jesus Film in Adangme. And I loved it. I didn't understand the language, but I understood the heart. 

It is strange how your heart can sometimes be given fresh eyes for something it has known to be true for so long.

I watched as Jesus began his ministry and God reminded me that Jesus was 30 years old when he started ministry. He died when he was 33 years old. He changed the world in three years. Not just the world then, but the world for all time.

I know that to be true, but for some reason, my heart saw it with fresh eyes last night...as I watched Jesus raise people from the dead, heal the sick, feed the hungry, set captives free, cleanse the broken...as I sat with people in a different world from the one I grew up in, a different language, a different culture, battling the some of the same issues that Jesus battled 2,000 years ago...I realized, yet again, that Jesus is alive and well in me. 

I am 31 years old now. I have been here for three years. And for some reason, my age and at this point in my ministry (and, yes, even my singleness) brought up feelings of kinship to the story of Christ. I have seen the sick healed, the hungry fed, the captives set free, and the broken made clean...I am the same age He was while he ministered on earth...and perhaps there is the hope that despite my weaknesses (and in His strength)...lives have been changed.

All because: Jesus is alive and well...in me. What a privilege! What an honor! What a joy! 

I know that my little place in Ghana will not change the world as we know it...but I do know that the world has been changed for our 35 little rescues...that for the students that attend our school each day, their world is changed...and perhaps if these ones get it...if they come to understand that Jesus can be made alive and well in THEM...well, perhaps we CAN see the world change.

All I know is that, as I reflected on the sacrifice of Jesus, the beauty of his life, I am beyond grateful.

And I am in awe that He has the power to change lives today. 

And that He can use me to see that happen.

Hallelujah!

Conflict

Can I just run away from this whole conversation? I hate this topic. But, yet, almost everyday, I am faced with conflict. It's almost as if God knew my fear of conflict, and threw me down in the middle of it to grow me.

And it's interesting because as I have grown in my ability to handle conflict, it seems like now, I am able to disciple others in how to handle conflict in a Biblical, God-honoring way.

But, it took me awhile to get there.

You see, for me, conflict was a thing of fear because it is somehow related to people's perceptions of me. As a people-pleaser (something I am continuing to be challenged in), conflict often meant that others were displeased with me. As a highly relational person, conflict meant that I may have damaged a relationship with a friend or colleague. Afraid that anger would be the result of every conflict, it was easier to not say anything and to just live in a place of discomfort or frustration, because, maybe that would avoid all the negative things that would come with conflict.

But, I am learning that those were misconceptions. I am learning about God's heart for restoration. And I am learning that conflict can deepen relationship rather than damage it, if it is done in a God-honoring way.

The summer of 2006, I was invited to help lead a small group of summer ministry project interns at my church, Peninsula Covenant Church. That was a tough, tough summer. I loved leading and working with the interns, and I loved the time spent with the other leaders. But, I was in a tough place that summer. I was working through some of the consequences of some of the choices I had made in my life, was beginning to understand the true Fatherhood of God (not the distorted view that I had), and I was planning and speaking at a women's conference. It was a hot summer. It was a hard summer. And at the end of the summer, I had this enormous falling out with the woman I had been living with. She spoke some things to me that echoed my darkest fears about myself and hurt me deeply. There was nothing I could do or say in defense, but to apologize and leave. I left that summer extremely defeated and walked into a very challenging season of my life. After that summer, I told God that I would  never move back to the Bay Area. All the things spoken into me at the end, defined that place for me and I thought I would never be welcomed back.

I have learned, you never say never to God.

Two years later, when I was looking for a teaching position, the only open positions I could find were in the Bay. And wouldn't you know it, I was back where I said I would never go.

But, here is the thing. I came back with some pretty heavy anxiety. I left defeated and I returned defeated. Around every corner, I assumed I would run into this woman and that, for some reason, she would have more to add to the conversation we had finished two years before. It held me captive. 

So, I prayed that God would release me from that anxiety. But, God is a God of redemption. He is a God of restoration. And He is a God of relationship. And so, he didn't just free me from this relationship, he asked me to ask for forgiveness. To apologize, whether I thought I was wrong or not, and to release her to Him.

I had to track her down. To be honest, I had deleted all of her information...her phone number, her email...gone. So, I looked her up, and I called, nervous and fearing the worst. But, there was no answer. So, I tracked down her address and I wrote her a letter. I apologized for the hurt that I had caused and I told her of my own bitterness towards her. I asked for her forgiveness. And I told her that she freely had mine. I told her that if she wanted a friendship with me, I would be grateful, but if she chose not to, I would understand. And I sent that letter on. 

I have never heard from her since the day I last saw her in her living room that summer of 2006. But, I am completely free. The anxiety from that conflict held me captive, but God restored my heart and showed me what true forgiveness looks like. And in that place of humble forgiveness, I saw God's heart for me. 

And through that, I learned that God's heart for conflict is always resolution...it is always growth...it is always redemption. And even if that relationship was lost, I know God was honored in my relationship with Him through the conflict, because I walked it out in obedience. And isn't that what He desires from us anyway? To be honored in all we do. Even the hard things. Or maybe especially in the hard things.

Moving here to Ghana, I never would have thought that this would be something that God would be continuing to use to mold and shape me. But, conflict is CONSTANT in this culture. The smallest thing offends someone and suddenly conflict is there...usually in a very visual and loud and often unhealthy way...and it has to be dealt with. And conflict has been present the times when I have heard or been witness to some inappropriate action of a teacher or student and have had to confront and deal with the consequences of those confrontations.

At times, it has been an extremely painful process, losing good staff in a miscommunication or in having to confront false motives. Other times, it has been so redemptive and I have seen people changed and grown and God move to redeem relationships.

But, oh, it is hard.

And I am not sure that conflict ever gets easy. But, that doesn't mean that it isn't good.

Today, in my staff one on ones, three of my conversations dealt with conflict. Conflict in marriage, conflict in friendship, and conflict with authority. Interesting. And it was good and I am excited to see God grow and pull out those moments of gold from the dross. And I hope that they will also see God's ultimate plan for conflict...resolution, restoration, and relationship. And when it is done in a healthy way, it honors God.

A Day In My Shoes

I have the incredible privilege to lead and guide our school here in Doryumu. Many times, my days are filled with discipline and fielding teacher worries and managing schedules and balancing time and dealing with drama and it can be an endless draining cycle. But, I like to take moments out of my days to visit classrooms, see how things are going, get to know my teachers and see progress.

Today, I popped into classrooms and am excited to share what I am seeing:

 Katie working on her assignments for French class.

Rosemary working on government homework.

Kassidy reading a new novel.

Emmanuel, in Kindergarten, working on practicing his letter "L".

Teachers in KG1B working with students in small groups.

Our littles (preschool for threes) singing and dancing to songs and poems.

Our first grade teacher teaching on verbs and allowing the students to show some action words in front of the class.

Using hand signs to answer questions in our second grade class.

Learning new vocabulary in primary 4.

ELD class with Madame Janet accessing all parts of English Acquisition: listening, speaking, reading, and writing.

Telling stories with his class, Sir Jacob got his whole class involved.

Discussing various comprehension strategies with our 7th grade class.

Assisting students who missed class, Sir Justice takes his time to re explain a concept.

And then after-school, the adventure continued. Our teachers took turns presenting ideas they got during their trip to American International School last week.

Madame Jennifer explained all the new ways to do calendar with the students.

Sir Justice dissected a chicken wing in an effort to demonstrate science concepts of bones, muscles, skin, ligaments, etc.

Madame Janet discussed IEP's and ways that we can further differentiate for special learned in our school.

Sir Jacob talked about projects and pictures as a method of assessment.

And then...to see our peer mediators start training and practicing skills of mediation...so sweet!

Pastor Cayle coaching some ideas for a dramatization.

Sir Stanley discussing the tree of mediation.

Looking forward to seeing this program up and running!

The Challenge of Rest

I finished that book by Wayne Cordiero...such a good, practical read on preventing and battling and healing from burnout. I would highly recommend it to anyone in full-time ministry.

I have definitely faced my battles here with burnout. I am an introvert by nature and need time to myself, but there have been seasons where there was no rest in sight. We all live on the same compound and, at times, it can feel like it is a bit of a fishbowl. Surrounded by beauty, but hard to escape.

This year, I have been attempting to find a better balance with rest and work and kids and life and communicating back home. It has been really hard. I haven't figured it out yet. But I am working on it.

The challenge with rest is that, when you do find moments of rest, they can feel a bit like stolen moments, which make you feel guilty. 

I have the constant "I should" mantra running through my head.

I should go play with the kids.

I should go help someone with homework.

I should go spend time with our volunteers.

I should get that done for school tomorrow.

A never-ending stream of "I should."

But, I am learning that the "I should"'s aren't necessarily the voice of truth.

"I could" do so many things with my time. But, if I don't rest, the things that I do choose to spend my time doing are only going to get a piece of me that is tired and weary and the energy of a fully-charged Autumn is worth the rest.

Rest should not be a place of guilt, but one that frees.

After all, it is a mandate that God set forth at the very creation of the earth. So, why do I feel the need to strive to do everything and miss that special gift that God gave us in a day of rest?

So, here are some things I am processing and being challenged by:

1. Wayne talked in his book about figuring out the top 5% of your life and where you desire to spend your time. Once you identify that top 5%, build your days and weeks to make sure that top 5% stays at the top. Here are my top five:

     1. My relationship with God (something I have struggled with maintaining in the busy seasons, so I have pulled out my journal again, found a devotional that I am really enjoying, and spend time in God's Word everyday--even if that means I might be a few minutes late to school.)

     2. My relationship with my friends and family (I love my friends and family and they are constantly on my mind and heart. There are a few relationships I have felt convicted about that I need to pursue more.)

     3. My ministry (this school, these kids, these teachers, John and Stacy, and all our friends and partners here.)

     4. Expressing myself creatively (this is something that I seem to have forgotten in this season and it disappears when I get too busy...I love to write music and sing new songs, but I have felt so tired that it hasn't been an option. I love to do creative things, write, paint a little, scrapbook, take pictures, create...and all these things have almost disappeared from my life. Something that I need to work on because it makes me feel so alive.)

     5. My health (something I do not prioritize and try not to think about but something that God continues to bring back to my mind and heart...I need to take better care of my body...which includes exercise, eating well, and rest.)

2. Wayne also talked about scheduling in your breaks when you start a new monthly calendar. This is the first thing that usually goes, unless it is set and can't be moved from your schedule. My friend Isaiah challenged me with choosing rest on my travels home. They are often so packed, I return to Ghana exhausted. So, I am trying to even choose rest in my trip home, which is hard when I have to choose between rest and relationship.

3. Sleeping in...in front of the clock. This was also something Wayne talked about. Our deepest sleep cycle...the place where our body gets its best rest...is from 11pm-3am at night. Yet, many will go to sleep later and "sleep in" far into the morning, waking up still tired. His suggestion was to go to bed an hour or two earlier than that 11:00pm REM sleep cycle, which allows you to wake up earlier, feeling more rested because you had that deep sleep. The past few weeks, I have struggled with getting to sleep early. This is common for me when I am stressed. Tossing and turning until sleep finally claims me around midnight or one. Frustrating when I know the wake up call will come at 5:30 am. So, I am trying to figure out how to sleep in in front of the clock, gain back some of that rest.

4. Purposeful rest is hard for me. I usually go so long and hard that when I do finally get time to rest, I completely withdraw and hermit myself away for days at a time. Not healthy for relationships and not healthy for my body. I am trying to figure out how to take purposeful days of rest so that this complete withdrawal doesn't happen quite so often.

How do you find rest? What are your challenges with finding purposeful rest in the midst of a busy and striving world?

Disciples

I have been challenged by the age-old last words of Jesus on earth:

"Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you, and behold, I am with you all the days until the end of the age.” Matthew 28: 19-20

Yesterday, during our staff devotions, this question somehow came up (we went from Romans 3 to Matthew 28, but I am not quite sure how it got there). I asked them, "What is the great commission?"

The answers I heard were:

"Go and preach the gospel."

"Go and tell others about Jesus."

"Go and evangelize."

Only ONE said, "Go and make disciples."

So, then we talked about Jesus and we talked about his 12 disciples. We talked about the fact that he had many followers, but only 12 disciples, and even one of those didn't believe in the end. And we talked about what it meant for Jesus to "make disciples" out of these ordinary men.

My teachers said:

"He did miracles."

"He showed them how to pray."

"He taught them."

All true and necessary.

But I am continually challenged by the fact that Jesus...

ate with them.

walked with them.

laughed with them.

played with little children.

withdrew to be alone.

danced at weddings.

Jesus didn't just do the supernatural with these 12...he walked along BESIDE them and lived his life WITH them.

And he taught them how natural the supernatural really is.

And he showed them that when you are tired, you rest and get refilled.

And he taught them that if you believe in the Father and the Son, it changes everything...you set it all aside for the sake of following him.

And I think that disciple-making should look more like BEING the gospel and less like PREACHING AT them.

We talked about what it would look like to reflect Jesus to others by choosing those in our families and lives to pour into...how would that change the face of today's Christian?

Yes, you will still have some choose not to follow...but I know that if each believer understood what it looked like to disciple others...we would be a living, breathing body of Christ that could change the world.

We are responsible for that calling. It wasn't something asked of just the few gathered around Jesus at the time, but it is asked of all faithful followers of Christ.

"Go and make disciples..."

Leading on Empty

I have been reading a book by Wayne Cordeiro, a well-known pastor, author, and speaker. It's title, Leading on Empty, intrigued me, knowing my history of striving far too much for far too long. 

It seems as though God works in me in themes. The day after I started this read, I went with my friends Robin, Dawn, and Beth to go and visit our friend Angie who has just had a baby. Our question on the way there is, "How do you care for yourself to avoid burnout?"

That has been the question I have been asking myself for a long time. How do I do that? How do I sustain here? How can I manage under the load I have been blessed with to have a place and time for filling up?  It is so hard! And yet, as I face my fourth year here in Ghana, it becomes more and more realistic for me...if I don't figure out the answer to this question, I will not be able to continue my ministry here. 

Wayne's book has been a powerful reminder of how much I operate out of a place of emptiness. He talked about reaching his breaking point and visiting a doctor who told him that his levels of serotonin were depleted. When the body runs out of serotonin, it begins to run on adrenaline, fueling the body with a chemical that is only supposed to used in "emergencies". But, we get hooked on the adrenaline.  We don't stop to rest. We don't recognize the weariness. We don't see the warning signs of depression...stress...withdrawal. And then, we are done for. 

Wayne talked about seeing his need to slow down and he decided that one week ought to do it to fix the burnout. He went and spent a week on a silent retreat. The first thing he noticed, removed from media and everything we use to fill our time, was how badly his body began to hurt. The adrenaline had masked his bodies response to weariness and when he began to rest (body, mind, and, soul), his adrenaline levels went down, leaving him in physical pain as he began to realize how far he had worn himself down.

It is bringing up questions with me. What are my daily rhythms of life and do they care for the needs of my body, mind, and soul? Or am I in such a place that my moments of rest only serve as a brief withdrawal and the adrenaline kicks back in?

This morning's Jesus Calling read:

"Worship me only, I am King of kings and The Lord of lords, dwelling in unapproachable Light.  I am taking care of you! I am not only committed to caring for you, but I am absolutely capable of doing so. Rest in me, My weary one, for this is a form of worship.

Though self-flagellation has gone out of style, many of my children drive themselves like racehorses. They whip themselves into action, ignoring how exhausted they are. They forget that I am Sovereign and that My ways are higher than theirs. Underneath their driven service, they may secretly resent me as a harsh taskmaster. Their worship of me is lukewarm,becauseI am no longer their First Love. 

My invitation never changes: 'Come to me, all you who are weary,and I will give you rest.' Worship Me by resting peacefully in My Presence."

May I cling to my First Love instead of running to the idol of busyness (sometimes portrayed as "ministry") and find myself again and again in His Rest.