You are Mine

Stacy, Miriah, and I have been reading Ruth Haley Barton's Sacred Rhythms together.  We meet each Saturday and talk it through, listening to her teaching and putting into practice ways to connect with God in deeper and more intimate ways.

It has been like breathing again.

I have needed it.  This past season has been incredibly tough for me.  I disengaged so I could figure out how to cope.  But I feel like I am becoming more me again as I dig in deep to more of God.

A couple weeks ago, we sat in a practice session of Lectio Divina and Ruth read this passage over us, asking us to pull out a phrase or a word that we felt God was speaking:

Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
    Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
    I will bring your children from the east
    and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
    and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”

And just like that, I heard it.

You are Mine.

Mine.

Instantly, with my eyes closed as we listened to the passage read over and over again, I had a picture of Jesus placing both of his hands on either side of my face, gently cupping my cheeks.  He looked into my eyes with such tenderness, such love and compassion.

"Autumn," he said, "You are mine.  Have you forgotten?  You are mine.  Don't walk with an orphan spirit anymore.  I have you.  You are mine.  You belong.  You are not forgotten.  I see you.  I know you.  You are mine."

This gentle picture has not escaped me.  It cannot be erased from my mind.  I think on it everyday.

Sometimes, I want to run to my old ways of thinking.  The places that say, "Escape".  Movies and books and withdrawal and mind-numbing introvertedness.

But, when you are known and loved and treasured and held...those places no longer make any sense. They don't fill.  They don't sustain.

I want to walk in that place of knowing I am His.  I want to stand in that assurance in every moment.  I trust that truth, even in the midst of my doubts and fears.

You are mine.